Open Relationship Mini Interview with Miranda: Act in Your Own Self-Enlightened Best Interest

Miranda, On Fetlife

1. What insight about open relationships do you wish you had when you started?

Reality. The first open relationship I was in wasn’t based in reality, it was based on one partner’s “vision” of what her fantasy world would look like. The reality is that every person’s relationship with someone else is different. Do I love my boyfriend or my cat more? Well… yes? I’d love to see my partners more often, but I know that’s not realistic, so I don’t worry about it. Also, acting in your own self-enlightened best interest. Do you want to be the most important person to all your partners? Of course, not! That would make their partners feel like crap, and the effects would snowball and mess everything up. You want your partners to have strong relationships with other people, because that comes back to benefit you later.

2. What has been the hardest thing about opening your relationship, and how have you overcome that?

That’s hard to say, because the relationships I’m currently in have been open from the beginning. Of course there’s jealously, mostly based on lack of self confidence, but with time that fades. Also, lack of teleportation.

3. What has been the best thing about your open relationship?

Cookies! I showed up for an event once to find that my boyfriend’s girlfriend had a bag of cookies waiting for me, freshly baked. You know that you’re doing it right when everyone acts like a huge happy family! Don’t get me wrong, this takes a LOT of work, time, understanding and compassion. When it works, however, its amazing.

4. Anything else you’d like to add?

Being in an open relationship seems so natural to me now. Why wouldn’t I want to share my partner’s love? Why would I want to horde it all to myself and let no one else experience the joy that they have to offer? Also it is sometimes useful to say, “Darling, I’m really looking to be alone tonight, would you mind if I asked you to find someone else to cuddle with?”

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is a genderqueer kinky butch writer who teaches and performs, specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They've written at since 2006, recognized numerous places as one of the Top Sex Blogs. Sinclair's gender theory and queer erotica is widely published in anthologies like Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, and online at Feministing, Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more; they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut, Sinclair's first book of short erotic stories, was published in 2014. They use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself, and live in Oakland, CA with their boy.

2 thoughts on “Open Relationship Mini Interview with Miranda: Act in Your Own Self-Enlightened Best Interest”

  1. MakingSpace says:

    I love all of these interviews so. much. Even though I’ve never considered my brain to be wired as polyamorous, this way of looking at all relationships has fundamentally shifted my sense of family, friends, loves, and how I view all the folks in my life who are important to me. Thank you all for sharing your lives through these interviews!

  2. rife says:

    ::spirit fingers to the teleportation comment::

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