Archive for January, 2012
So I’m one of those people that makes a lot of mixes. It used to be mixed tapes (where I’d elaborately write all the tracks out in different color pens), then CDs, and now it’s iTunes playlists. I’m constantly downloading (and paying for!) new music, constantly updating my current “what I’m listening to” playlist, wiping it clean and starting again with whatever tone I’m currently craving.
I finished this playlist in December, for Kristen. It’d been a while since I’d made her a mix, probably since A Thousand Kisses in 2009, though I’d made some others that I’d shared with her, they just weren’t specifically for her. This one, though, is.
I love that I can share it—you can stream it on 8tracks, though I don’t love that 8tracks won’t let you play it in order. So I’m also uploading it to sendspace, you can download the whole thing there (though you’ll have to put it into your own playlist in order, I still can’t figure out how to include the iTunes playlist file).
Cover image, if you want to download it, is here. And now, the tracklist:
A HOT RIDE playlist & liner notes, December 2011
Starling – Tori Amos
Gotta start out with a bang, y’know?
Safe in Your Arms – Paula Cole
Because there’s nowhere safer.
Sugar Buzz – kd lang & the Siss Boom Bang
Can’t help but think of you when I hear this song. (Also I totally mistype ‘Sugarbutch’ when I write out the title, every time. Such finger memory.) It’s like the song was made for us.
She’s Got To Be – Amy Ray
Though Amy Ray has said it’s about reconciling with an inner girl as a butch, it’s also a romantic love song about femininity & masculinity
Rich Woman – Robert Plant & Allison Krauss
‘Daddy everything is alright.’ love the rolling bass. So sexy.
Forever – Ben Harper
“Not talking about a year, no not three or four / I don’t want that kind of forever in my life anymore.”
October – Rosie Thomas
“Make her a flower in late december when the sun is not shining on her.” “Take photographs of her on brooklyn streets on october.” Love the simplicity of this arrangement, and her sweet voice
Sweetness – The Waifs
“Music gets me in the mood / it kicks in and I sit back / and think of you,” and “you mean stuff to me.” Yeah.
On Your Arm – Schuyler Fisk
“You always felt like come / you knew my favourite song / I love the way you say my name / I love just about everything.” and it just gets better from there. I first found Schuyler because of her Paperweight duet with Joshua Radin, and her solo work is really excellent too.
Beautiful – Meshell Ndegeocello
One of my all-time favorite love songs.
Make a Name for Me And You – Rachel Cantu
It kind of sounds like a sad song, but the refrain is about making a name for ourselves, and as we’ve started to talk about that this song sticks to me. “I know your vices and those are your choices / and I want to be there for you.”
Somebody Loved – The Weepies
It’s kind of amazing to be somebody who is loved so deeply, so well.
Snow Cherries from France – Tori
I think of this when I travel sometimes. But now you know I’ll always bring back snow cherries.
Crystalised – The XX
“I’ve been down onto my knees / so don’t think that I’m pushing you away / and you just keep getting closer / when you’re the one that I’ve kept closest / go slow.”
The Sweets – The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Something about spinning and “how will you want something to hit” and “what’s your crime, what’s your crime” that has me growling and hot.
Only Girl in the World – Rihanna
I want you to feel like this, that you’re the only girl in the world for me, and especially when we’re together, that you’re the one I’m drawn to like a magnet. ‘I want you to love me like I’m a hot ride.’ Yeah. I do. But I want to make sure I show you that, too.
Fancy – Drake
It’ll just always be a song for you. Also can you believe he rhymes “concealer”? Impressive.
Sexy and I Know It – LMAO
Because you blush when this song comes on, and that makes me smile.
Finding a new barber is always one of those daunting new city tasks, but I’m so glad I’m not going through that anymore, because Tomcats is my steady go-to. Retro cuts! And really great product. And hey look, they even do girl cuts—this is me & Kristen while she’s getting a trim and I’m already done. Next time you’re coming to New York City, instead of getting a cut right before you leave, maybe you would want to make an appointment to go see them the day you arrive. Seriously, they do the best hair I’ve ever had. Look ‘em up, Tomcats Barber Shop in Greenpoint, Brooklyn.
Alright it’s official, we have a winner:
Congratulations, blckndblue! Thank you for the premise behind the story The Pink Dress. Over 100 people voted, and your story was their favorite, by a narrow margin.
“Was there something that you wanted? Sir?” She adds the last word in a low, sweet voice and my cock pulses. I drop my hand holding the glass to my side. Extending her arms around my neck, she draws closer to me. I can smell the sticky sweet of her lipstick. I lick my lips. Swallow again. My mouth is dry. I lift my arm, take a swig of the whiskey, and it goes down like a knife. She offers me her lips when I drop the glass again, whispering right up next to mine but not touching. She waits. I kiss her and her mouth is like candy, like being enveloped in silk. My knees go weak again and I lean against the wall to hold myself up. Her lipstick is a smear on my mouth and I don’t care. She leaves a trail of lip prints along my jaw and to the curve of my neck and I don’t care. She is devouring me one kiss at a time and I don’t care. My whole body shudders between her and the wall, held up by both.
She pulls on my earlobe between her lips before she whispers in my ear, “I would like to suck your cock now.” It’s almost a question, almost asking for permission, she knows that’s usually how it works, but this time it is more of a statement of intent. I notice she doesn’t say “sir” but I don’t care. She’s calling the shots now. She drags her body down mine and her skirt fans out around her legs as she kneels in front of me. She looks up, hands on her thighs, and waits, lips parted a little, lipstick smeared and thick which makes her mouth look even more swollen. I breathe deep, trying to focus. I’m supposed to do something. I manage to set the glass of whiskey down on the side table nearby and unbuckle my belt, unzip my pants, pull out my cock. She sits up on her knees to get it lined up with her mouth. … Read more
And now, to announce your prize …
- “Sugarbutch Star” pin
- Copy of the Sugarbutch Star collection ebook (due out Summer 2012!)
- A story of your choice recorded by me for your listening pleasure
- … And since I’m aiming to be in your city this spring, I hope we can make a date to have a drink
Thanks to everyone who voted and read the stories.
Now’s the time to start saving to attend the Femme Conference in Baltimore in August, to start thinking about what event or film or performance or whatever that you might want to bring, and to make it happen. I know traveling is really hard for folks who are far, but (how many times do I have to say this) IT IS WORTH IT.
Make it happen. Invest in yourself.
Attending these identity conferences that have been showing up lately have significantly changed the way I feel about butch and femme identity, have deepened my own relationship to myself and to others, and have deepened my understanding about how these genders work and the work we need to do to elevate our conversations and make gender hurt less in all the ways. If you’re wondering if it’s worth it, I’ll say it again: it’s worth it. It’s worth it, and more. It’s worth being there even though five of your exes will be there. It’s worth going even if you aren’t sure if you identify as femme. It’s worth going if you just love femmes and you aren’t femme yourself but you want to support and learn. It’s worth going if you have to put $50 a month away for the next seven months. It’s worth it.
Also, please submit awesome workshops and performances, because I want to participate in mind-blowing smart queer badass fierce subtle amazing groundbreaking new stuff while I’m there. Please and thank you.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
National Call for Submissions & SF Event!
Call for Workshops, Papers, Panels, Films, Performance, and Visual Art
Femme2012: Pulling the Pieces Together
August 17-19, 2012
Femme2012: Pulling the Pieces Together is a multi-threaded conference and forum for those who think about, talk about, and create Femme as a queer gender and identity.
Following our Femme2006, 2008, and 2010 conferences in San Francisco, Chicago, and Oakland, where hundreds of femmes and allies gathered for workshops, panels, films, visual art galleries, and performances, we again invite femmes of all kinds and their allies to continue the conversation by participating in Femme 2012 as presenters and participants.We are invested in having Femme2012 continue to reflect the diversity and complexity of femme gender, identity, and contributions. We hope for this conference to be a community-building event, as well as an exploration and celebration of what it means to build and live queer femme identities.
Submissions of all kinds are welcome, particularly submissions by Femmes. We are committed to having our presenters reflect as many different voices from within our Femme community(ies) as possible. We aim to prioritize and centralize the experiences of historically marginalized groups, including but not limited to people of color, working-class people, fat folks, trans and gender-non-conforming people, elders, youth, previously incarcerated individuals, people without documentation, and people with dis/abilities. Femme2012 will continue the community dialogues from Femme2006, Femme2008, and Femme2010. In particular, we hope that the intersections of femme with race, region, class, access, dis/ability, privilege, oppression, and marginalization will be talked about, given space, meditated upon, constructed, and deconstructed.
In addition, we encourage submissions based on this year’s theme: Pulling the Pieces Together.
We began this conference in 2006 out of a desire to see femme explored and discussed from a variety of perspectives. We wanted a conference that held the complexities of Queer Femme as its central focus, while building community. Building on the dialogue and momentum of past conferences, in 2012 we hope to explore how femmes pull the pieces together. Through discussion and performance, we hope to explore both our individual and shared journeys to femme and how we honor femme in ourselves and others. How do we arrive at our femme/inine identities? How do we celebrate the joys and challenges along those journeys? Please join us in 2012 as we share our stories of pulling the pieces together.
We hope to draw participants from across disciplinary, medium, and social boundaries. We encourage submissions from anyone interested, regardless of gender or sexual identity. We are interested in solo submissions, as well as groups, panels, and collaborations. We are looking for well-thought-out, well-planned submissions that recognize and respect the array of Queer Femme experience, and we are interested in work that challenges systems of oppression.
We are soliciting contributions from anyone interested, including (but not limited to):
> panel presentations
> research presentations
> skill shares
> activist & organizational topics
> visual art
> video or film (please see below for the film call for submissions)
The submission deadline is April 15, 2012. For information about specific submissions requirements and to submit your proposal, please visit www.femme2012.com.
To learn more about us, to read our mission, and to contact us with any questions, comments or concerns, please find us at www.femme2012.com or on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/groups/femmeconference/.
2012 FEMME FILM FESTIVAL at FEMME2012
In addition, this year the Femme Collective encourages all femmes (regardless of experience) to consider making and submitting a short film to the 2012 Femme Film Festival that will be taking place at Femme2012. We want to challenge you tell your story from *your* eyes. All you need is a camera (even an iPhone is good enough!) and we’ll even help mentor you along the way! It could be narrative-based, documentary, animated or some kind of in-between. How you choose to make it is yours – but the film must be made by a femme (or group of femmes) and about being femme. In order to help you get started, please include one or more of the following prompts in planning your femme-tastic short film:
- What does Femme mean to you?
- How did you come to / learn you were Femme?
- Misconceptions of Femme and how to change them
- Femme Invisibility
- Being Femme because *we* are Femme (and not because our body looks a certain way)
Submissions for the Femme Film Festival must be under 12 minutes in length. The shorter, the better — so we can fit more films into our final program! All film submissions are due July 15, 2012, to give you ample time to finish your film. Do not let your lack of experience stop you from making a film! We will not be judging films based on fancy equipment – we’re looking for honest, brave and real stories about *your* experience of being femme. So break out that iPhone or Flip Camera and start shooting! If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail Ellie (our film chair) at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Attn: Bay Area Femmes & Allies! Special Femme Con Happy Hour at El Rio THIS FRIDAY!
Join us at El Rio this Friday, Jan. 20th, from 4-6pm for a very special Femme 2012 Conference Happy Hour! For every drink ordered at the bar during these two hours, 100% of the proceeds will go directly to funding the conference! Come drink & be merry with friends and loved ones all while supporting the all-volunteer run Femme Collective and the wider Femme community!
Need more incentive? How about free oysters, amazing drink specials, and FREE ADMISSIONS to the Red Hots Burlesque show starting at 7:30pm? Order up your Pink Lady or your Shirley Temple, then watch Dottie Lux, Isis Starr, Ava Lavendar and more shimmy-shake for the Femme Con crowd!
Come on down and support the Femme Conference! It will be the easiest fundraiser you attend all year!
El Rio is located at 3158 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA. – www.elriosf.com
I’m on the board of the Lesbian Sex Mafia these days as programming co-chair. It’s been really fun to bring in presenters from the queer sex (internet) world, and since it’s more of a leather/old guard kind of group, many of the younger kinky queer educators haven’t taught there before. It’s pretty amazing that it’s been going on since the 1980s and that it’s still running today, and the meetings are a combination of socializing, cruising (let’s be honest), skill building, and community, which I really like. I’ve met some great folks there from attending sporadically over the years, and I’ve learned a ton. They are also incredibly inclusive, and workshops are open to women and trans folks who identify with the lesbian community.
LSM is also seeking new presenters for the 2012 season. More information here or at the bottom of this post.
If I’m in town when the monthly 3rd Friday workshop happens, I always attend. It’s a great thing to do for folks who are coming in from out of town and want to check out the scene in this big city, too. The next one is tomorrow!
Negotiation of scenes can be tough on people who are adept at bargaining, expressing their needs, wants, and desires. so how is this gauntlet to be run by those of us perverts who are super shy or kind of awkward when it comes to saying “I need…” or “I won’t…” or giving the dreaded “No”?? Join Mollena Williams, Closeted Shy Freak ™ as she shares some techniques that can help even the most awkward kinkster battle their own personal hurdles and insure that your needs are met, your expectations expressed more clearly, and that your scenes are satisfying for all parties! Bring your questions (jot ‘em down if you are to shy to ask!) and we’ll brainstorm ways to help you on your own journey to openness, clear communication and awesomeness!
Where: LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave)
When: Friday, January 20, 2012; 8:00-10:00PM
Cost: LSM Members: $5/Non Members: $10
This “Delicate, Trembling Flower of Submission” © is a NYC born and raised writer, actress, BDSM Educator and Executive Pervert. She is extremely honored, humbled and proud to have served as International Ms Leather 2010. She is also thrilled to have been named Ms. San Francisco Leather 2009 after that contest’s decade long slumber. She’s won Woman of the Year AND Northern California Regional Awards!
With over 12 years of experience in the BDSM and Alternative community she frequently travels nationally, teaching Leather Lifestyle Classes. Her work has been published by the Society Of Janus Newsletter, The Eulenspiegel Society’s magazine, Prometheus, as well as the online magazine at ALT.COM and Bondage.com. She was interviewed for The Bottoming Book, ColorLines Magazine, and the award winning documentary Vice & Consent. She also get all tied up in the instructional video, “Jay Wiseman Teaches Rope Bondage.“ Her essay entitled “BDSM and Race Play” was published in Best Sex Writing 2010.
Her background includes a lifetime of training and involvement in the performing arts, which include spoken word, classical theater, dance, performance art, and all manner of stagecraft.
A founding member of Crowded Fire Theater Company, Mo blogs on http://mollena.com and is the author of the “Toybag Gude: Taboo Play.” Her essays appear in 2 anthologies curated by Rachel Kramer Bussel: ”BDSM and Race Play” appears in “Best Sex Writing 2010,” and “Kiss my Boots” is featured in ”The Lust Chronicles.” Her challenging essay on “race play” is featured in“Spirit of Desire: Personal Journeys in Sacred Kink” edited by Lee Harrington. Not one but two essays commissioned by Tristan Taormino will be appearing in the upcoming book, “The Ultimate Guide to Kinky Sex.” Mollena is pleased and delighted to be a featured educator with The Kink Academy, where you can see clips of her speaking on various and sundry topics!
February 17: The Fine Art of Dirty Talk with Amy Jo Goddard
Feeling shy about talking dirty? Have a lover who wishes you would, but you sometimes clam up or struggle with obstacles to saying those sweet nasty things? Wish you could open the door to dirty words without shame? This workshop will be a fun exploration of dirty talk, why we like it, what we want from it and how to incorporate it with partners and make our scenes hotter. There is no one size fits all, so you’ll explore and practice what feels good for you, how to find common ground with your partners, and walk away with a bigger dirty vocabulary. Attendees can decide how much to participate but it will be guaranteed fun! C’mon’ say it like you mean it!
When: Friday, January 17, 2012; 8:00-10:00PM
Cost: LSM Members: $5/Non Members: $10
About Amy Jo Goddard
Amy Jo Goddard dedicates her life’s endeavors to helping people explore and improve their sexual lives. She has written and produced her plays about the vulva and dominatrixes, she has hosted web programs on women’s sexuality, she has taught first graders to college students about sexuality, and has been featured in Betty Dodson videos. A professional trainer of sexuality professionals, medical students, college students and youth for fifteen years, she has taught courses relating to sexuality at the City University of New York and the University of California at Santa Barbara and has presented internationally at conferences and kink community events like Dark Odyssey. She launched her intensive program for women in 2010, the Women’s Sexually Empowered Life program. She is co-author of Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men and her article about queer performance artists and activism was published in 2007 in the Social Justice Journal. She is director/producer of the forthcoming documentary, At Your Cervix. Amy Jo maintains a private sex & relationship coaching practice and travels to colleges and universities speaking about sexuality. She was chosen by GO! Magazine as one of “100 Women We Love” in 2010. She can be found online at www.amyjogoddard.com.
Call for Presenters
Please circulate widely!
Do you have a kinky skill you’d like to share, a BDSM concept you’d like to teach, or a great idea for a leather panel you’d like to organize and speak on? The Lesbian Sex Mafia in New York City, the oldest continuously running women’s BDSM support and education groups in the country, is actively seeking women & trans folks who are identified with the lesbian community to present for our 2012 workshop calendar. Past topics have included piercing and stapling, M/s and D/s relationships, fisting, sensation play, takedowns, single tails, and more.
We meet monthly on the 3rd Friday at the LGBT Community Center in NYC and would gladly include out of town presenters who will be in town on that date.
If you’d like to present for LSM, simply download the Presenter Guidelines which includes information about the program evening schedule and our modest compensation, and fill out the online Presentation Proposal form.
About the Lesbian Sex Mafia
LSM is a support and information group for all women 18 years of age or older, including transexual and intersexed women who live their daily lives as women and all female born transgender people who feel they have a connection with and respect for the women’s community, and who are interested in fantasy and role playing, bondage, discipline, S/M, fetishes, costumes, alternate gender identities and uninhibited sexual expression in a safe, sane, consensual and confidential way. We are not a social service agency; however, we are interested in providing information, encouragement and general support. Our principles are few but basic: confidentiality, consensuality, safety and the right of women to explore their sexuality as they choose. lesbiansexmafia.org for more information.
I’m pretty excited about this album. I caught the preview when it was up at whichside.net and it came out yesterday, now it’s $3.99 on Amazon for the mp3 download if you’re into that kind of thing. And considering I’m trying to figure out what to do with my massive CD collection that is doing barely anything more than collecting dust, I’m not buying any new CDs anytime soon. Even Ani CDs.
I keep seeing write-ups that say—essentially or literally—”I think it’s safe to say at this point that the Ani many of us grew up on and love dearly (the self-titled/Out of Range/Dilate Ani) is dead and buried.” I find this kind of insulting, like saying that Tori Amos’s newest album isn’t Little Earthquakes, or my mom saying, “my little girl is gone” (hypothetically—my mom would never say that). I guess growth is important to me. These aren’t the only comments being made: in this Bitch Magazine interview says, “As I grew up and went on to college, Ani’s music came with me. ” But I hear the other kind of commentary more frequently.
I think there is a larger point attempting to be made with comments like that above, which is if you let go of your old expectations and really listen to the music she’s creating, there are some amazing things here, too, but I guess we as queer communities are holding too closely to the idealized Ani from the 90s. Personally I loved her dissonant sounding string of Evolve, Educated Guess, and Knuckle Down, I loved Reprieve, though I didn’t listen to Red Letter Year much. Not because it was happy, but because the lyrics and music seemed so thin.
But this one … more dense, more things to sink my teeth into. I’m glad to hear her use the word “feminism” in a song, though I question a little bit the nuance of her conversation in “Which Side.”I guess I like seeing the grey in-between things, and less worried about which side of the black or white.
Maybe I’ll get a more nuanced understanding of it after I spend more time with the album. I just downloaded it last night and look forward to having it on repeat today. Curious what your thoughts are—do you love the old Ani? Do you, like Jesse James, think her edge ended when she sang “I’m not angry anymore”? Are you looking forward to this album, do you like what you’ve heard?
Here’s another question from the Ask Me Anything inbox, and I hope y’all might be able to help me out.
Dear Mr. Sexsmith,
As a new Femme, your blog has been VERY helpful. I am frustrated by, although I completely understand, the focus on femme invisibility. While it’s absolutely true, I need a more empowering story for myself.
As I spend more time with butches and listen to Ivan Coyote’s “To all the kick ass, beautiful, fierce femmes out there,” I have begun to think of femmes as modern day Robin Hoods. We femmes take power (given freely) from those who have it and help to redistribute it to those who have been denied it … sometimes by changing the way the world sees queer, sometimes by simply being changing/challenging how the world sees the person we are with, always by being purposeful about the way we see ourselves and how we accept and carry and use the power and privileges that are granted to us as we walk in, between, and among worlds.
Are there other empowering femme stories out there that I should know about?
I humbly submit my own piece, A Love Letter To Femmes, to possibly add to your arsenal, which was published in Visible: A Femmethology Volume II.
I thought I published the whole thing on Sugarbutch but can’t seem to find it; if you follow this link you can download the mp3 of me reading it (thanks Dacia for recording it all those years ago, remember that?).
There are many femme books that I recommend, mostly ones that I have in my Amazon a-store, the classics of the femme canon. Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme, A Persistent Desire, Brazen Femmes, Femmes of Power, Visible: A Femmethology Volumes I & II, The Femme’s Guide to the Universe, The Femme’s Mystique (that I mentioned in that Femme Invisibility & Beyond post) and more I’m sure.
I’d love some help here: What femme sources do y’all recommend? What was instrumental in coming to your femme identity or feeling a part of the femme world? What was part of your femme history? What should every new femme read?
Y’all didn’t forget about the #pornparty tomorrow, did you?
All of you folks who are going, “I WISH!” right now, well—you CAN. This isn’t an in-person event in New York City, this event is virtual, happening online. All you need is a net connection and some time to yourself (or, some friends or roommates who are into watching queer porn.)
It’s a worldwide gathering on Twitter of folks who like queer porn. I pick a porn for us to all watch together, then we all log on at 6pm PST / 9pm EST, press play at precisely that time, and follow the hashtag #pornparty while we watch the film for commentary and discussion. If you want to join in, make sure you have your own Twitter account, too, and tag your posts with the hashtag so we’ll all see them.
NOTE! If your Twitter account is private, we won’t be able to see your #pornparty tweets show up under the hashtag. If you want to join in on the conversation (hope you do!), you may have to unprotect your Twitter account.
Tomorrow night, we’ll be watching Alpha Femmes through Hot Movies For Her, and viewing this film is completely free. You don’t have to buy it or download it or purchase VOD minutes to watch it with us. You will need a HotMoviesForHer.com account (which requires a credit card for verification purposes), and simply use the code “AlphaFemmes” (which IS case sensitive) when you sign up and you’ll receive 90 minutes free to watch with us! Those 90 minutes will expire Tuesday morning, so watch ‘em quick!
So all you have to do is:
1. Make a HotMoviesForHer.com account, if you don’t have one
2. Use the code “AlphaFemmes” to get 90 free minutes
3. Tune in tomorrow night! January 16th at 6pm PST, 9pm EST
4. Enjoy the film with us
5. Follow & contribute to the Twitter discussion with the hashtag #pornparty
You can also follow me (@mrsexsmith) as well as some of the porn stars in the film, like @fatty_d, @sydblakovich, @jizlee, @playwithpuck, @girlvert, @sarahleesinful, @akiraraine, @cadencestjohn, Alpha Femme’s director & producer @annadevia, and of course our fabulous #pornparty host, @hotmovies4her on Twitter.
Anna Devia is giving away 5 signed copies of the Alpha Femmes DVD at 6pm—right when we start the #pornparty—on Twitter, so go on over to her Twitter account and follow her or RT her to enter to win one of them.
So, are you game? Who’s in?
I’m planning to do more of these this year, so: are there any other queer porn films you’re dying to see? I will take requests.