Archive for November, 2011

The Cheryl B. Writer’s Fund

November 10, 2011  |  miscellany  |  No Comments

I’m still on the west coast, in San Francisco today at a pretty amazing gay boy hotel with one of my best buddies, exploring the city and getting ready for the workshop this weekend. But this just came into my inbox and I realized I hadn’t mentioned it on the November calendar. If you’re in New York City, I hope you might be able to attend. Wish I could be there.

The Astraea Foundation is putting together a Cheryl B. writers fund and at their 20 year celebration party there will be a small special tribute to her and her work.


Poetry is not only dream and vision; it is the skeleton architecture of our lives. It lays the foundations for a future of change, a bridge across our fears of what has never been before.

- Audre Lorde, 1991 Lesbian Writers Fund Judge in Poetry

Celebrate the Astraea Lesbian Writers Fund’s 20 year legacy.
Hear the new voices of literary history.

Writeous! Celebrating the 20th Anniversary of the Astraea Lesbian Writers Fund

Featuring performances by:
R. Erica Doyle
Karma Mayet Johnson
Ana-Maurine Lara
Chinelo Okparanta
Kirya Traber
Lenelle Moïse
& a special presentation honoring the life & work of poet/writer/activist, Cheryl B
Musical Performance by Cocomama
Twirl by DJ RiMarkable

November 11th • 7PM Doors, 8PM Show
Brecht Forum • 451 West Street, New York, NY

BUY TICKETS: $15 Suggested Donation | $25 Guaranteed Seat
Scorpios enter FREE (with appropriate ID). No one turned away for lack of funds. Food and drink available for purchase.

Visit our facebook event to get the latest news about Writeous!

The Brecht Forum is fully accessible through a wheelchair ramp in the rear courtyard. Artist accommodations generously provided by the Brooklyn Apartment

Dear West Coast, See You Soon

November 2, 2011  |  journal entries  |  3 Comments

In prep for my trip, I had to of course go get cleaned up. Doesn’t Joey at Tomcats do an amazing job? I have never had a bad haircut there. I only wish I could recreate the height after I wash it … though I suspect in part it is because of the handfulls of product he adds to my hair.

I’ve been trying to grow it out a bit, let it get a little longer on top so I can go back to the pomp I’ve had in the past. Winter seems like a good time to do that. The length has been driving me nuts the past few weeks, but I put it off long enough so that it’ll be fresh and clean for my trip out West.

What trip out west, you ask? Well, the one where I’ll be starting a tantra training, the first of five weekends in Seattle over the next year, and then I head to San Francisco for the Outside the Boxes queer Body Electric workshop that has been in the works for the last six or so months. It is definitely happening and probably going to be full, in fact! We might even have a waiting list! And—good news—we are planning to do it twice in 2012, once in New York City and once in Toronto. I’ll let you know the exact dates as soon as I have them.

I’m doing a couple more things out west while I’m visiting—no wait, scratch that, it’ll just be one other event, a Talking Dirty workshop at Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture, known in my day as the Wet Spot. I was going to have a workshop in Oakland but that looks like it’s fallen through, though I’m hoping to do it in the spring.

So I’ve turned on my vacation auto-responder, and my flight to Seattle leaves tomorrow afternoon. I may have some time to write while I’m gone, but things may be a bit quiet over here while I’m traveling. You can always follow me on Twitter or on Facebook if you want to know what I’m up to on a slightly more daily basis.

Protected: On Topping and Taking What I Want

November 1, 2011  |  essays, journal entries  |  Enter your password to view comments.

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

What’s Happening in November

November 1, 2011  |  miscellany  |  No Comments

I love fall! It is kind of threatening to be winter here already, what with that snow fall last weekend, but it’s supposed to warm up a bit and the leaves still haven’t changed all the way. I love this time of year.

I was supposed to go visit Bryn Mawr in early November, but we’ve postponed that. I’ll add it to this list as soon as I have a new date (I hope it’ll be in late November). My schedule is always as up to date as possible on

I’m busy this month! West coasters, see you in Seattle and in San Francisco in just a few weeks—I’m leaving on Thursday for a private training in Seattle and then I’ll be heading to SF for the Outside the Boxes workshop that I am really thrilled about. It is almost full! We do still have a couple slots left, so if you have been thinking about it, and feel called to participate, now may be the time to sign up. (I’m glad to tell you more about it if you want to know specifics.)

Events with Mr. Sexsmith

Monday, November 7, 2011 Talk Dirtier: How To Let Your Tongue Go Talking dirty in the bedroom can be terrifying at first, but once you unlock your tongue, you’ll find yourself saying all sorts of delicious things! Come to this workshop and we’ll figure out what’s tying our tongues in the first place, what’s holding us back from being more free with our language in the bedroom, and what the heck we should say to enhance our sex and intensity our sensation. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all, and the more we can turn on our minds, the better our experiences will be. The Wet Spot, Seattle, WA

November 11-13, 2011 Outside the Boxes: Celebrating the Queer Body Erotic through the Body Electric School. Your gender. Your body. Your energy. Your beautiful self. How often has the world tried to force you into the gender binary, asked you to assure it that your pronouns matched what it saw rather than what you felt, required that your genitals conform to expectations, demanded that you deny the complexity of all that is you? San Francisco, CA

Monday, November 14, 2011 Radical & Responsible Gender Workshop: Academics breaks down and deconstructs gender. How do we build it back up radically and responsibly? How does one adapt masculinity or femininity “positively”? How do we become responsible about gender? How do we continue to break down the gender role restrictions that are hurtful and traumatizing? In this interactive, engaging workshop, we will cover some basics about what gender is, what gender roles and stereotypes are, and how they work, then cover basic gender theory, breaking things down into small parts, in order to build them back up again “responsibly,” by which I mean thoughtfully and intentionally, with feminist principles and anti-sexist perspectives strongly in place. Participants will go away from the workshop with a better sense of how to use labels as liberation instead of limiting, as celebrations rather than restrictions, and be able to more fully embody whichever gender roles they choose. Mills College, Oakland, CA CANCELLED

Monday, November 21, 2011 Some really amazing workshop about BDSM that is TBD but will no doubt be fun and awesome and enlightening. No doubt. Possibly the Talk Dirtier workshop. We’ll see what the smarties decide. Conversio Virium, Columbia’s BDSM Student Group, New York, NY (details TBA)

Monday, December 5, 2011 Owning Your Birthday Suit: Embodiment for Queers, Genderqueers, & Other Outlaws: Queer, genderqueer, trans, and outlaw folks often find it hard to be present in our bodies, to feel the powerful connection between genitals, heart, and mind. Explore a variety of playful experiential exercises to increase embodiment while respecting stone sexualities and everyone’s boundaries. Learn some simple tools to feel erotic energy, build connection to your desires, and feel more alive and at home in your body. Experience the taboo power of sharing this exploration within community. Amy Butcher and Sinclair Sexsmith met at a tantra retreat three years ago and have worked together for deeper embodiment and gender liberation ever since. They both study erotic energy and write smut. LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY.

Events in New York City You Shouldn’t Miss

Thursday, November 3, 8pm Red Umbrella Diaries, Happy Ending, 302 Broome Street between Forsyth and Eldridge, Manhattan, NY

Satuday, November 5, 8pm Queer Memoir: Speaking Truth to Power featuring Ryann Holmes, Amber Dawn, Nick Krieger, Dan Horrigan, Lea Robinson, & host Kelli Dunham. Facebook event with details. QEJ

Monday, November 14, 7pm The Hilarious Adventures of Two Femmes On Tour: Jessica Halem, queer comic, and Sassafras Lowrey, queer author, come together for a hilarious comedy/storytelling pairing chronicling the best (mis)adventures of their lives on the road as touring artists. These two femmes reveal it ALL about the (often not so) glamorous life including: being chased out of hotels; getting lost; dishing about butches (even some famous ones); hooking up with college students; and so much more. Bring your sense of humor, love of femmes, and love of the road. Check out the Facebook event. Bluestockings Bookstore, 172 Allen Street, Lower East Side, New York City, 212.777.6028

Friday, November 18, 8pm Lesbian Sex Mafia: Deep Connection: Punching, Kicking, Trampling, and Stomping with Jim Deuder. A hands on class covering the fundamentals of heavy impact play including anatomy, safety, technique and the art of making a deep connection with your partner. Techniques for punching, kicking, stomping and trampling will be covered as well as the use of SAP gloves, truncheons, and other heavy implements. Participation is encouraged, but not mandatory, so bring a partner to practice with, pair up with a classmate, or take advantage of Jim’s willingness to be punched in the name of education! Our annual open to all genders workshop! Everyone is welcome! LGBT Center, 208 West 13th St. (7th/8th Ave), Manhattan, NY

Saturday, November 26th, 10pm Submit Party,, a BDSM play party for women and trans folks only Brooklyn, NY. For exact location call 718.789.4053 or email [email protected]

I am still trying to get a few more places this fall! My schedule is kept up on if you want to see if I’m coming your way.

If you’re interested in bringing me to your town or college, check out what S. Bear Bergman wrote: Bear’s Guide to Getting the Artists You Want. It’s got some great tips for how to fundraise and make an offer to bring the people you admire to come do some custom work just for you & your friends. (Hint, hint.)

Last but not least, here’s my 2011 workshop offerings in a PDF so it is easy to download, you can also download my one sheet PDF or high res photos in my press kit). Get in touch if you’re interested in booking me, you can contact me directly—mrsexsmith(at)gmail—or my booking company, PhinLi, at bookings(at)

Get on the Monthly Sugarbutch Mailing List



Get Sugarbutch via Email

There is a second mailing list, which is slightly different, and automatically emails you posts on Sugarbutch once a day. This is great for folks who really like to read Sugarbutch (or other blogs), but forget to check them. If you check your email, well, here ya go—Sugarbutch right to your inbox.

(New posts via email once a day)