Ask Me Anything: How to Give Blow Jobs Without Feeling Stupid

August 4, 2011  |  advice

Newbie asked:

My partner and I are new to strap-on sex. We both love the idea of blowjobs, but I have no idea how to go about it without feeling supremely stupid. Help please! Could Kristen maybe give her perspective on learning to do it well?

Here’s Kristen’s answer:

How to suck butch cock: some advice.

Here’s the thing about sucking silicone cock: you have to pretend it’s real and remember that it’s not, both at the same time.

1. Pretending it’s real. This is most important: you have someone’s cock in your mouth, and you need to take care of it. Treat it like the beautiful and powerful instrument that it is, regardless of whether it came from a factory. Start slow. Put your lips on the tip. Lick around the head. Lick all the way down one side. Put it in your mouth for a minute, then take it out and lick it again. Eventually, once your mouth produces more saliva, you can suck it in deeper. Look up at your partner so they can see that you like it, so they can see the pleasure you’re giving them, even if they can’t exactly feel it. Act like you know what you’re doing, whether you actually do (hello, grateful college boys you might have practiced on) or you’re making it up as you go along. Vary your speed: don’t just repeat the same movement over and over, unless your partner gets into it and wants that. (Face-fucking is great, once you’ve gotten the hang of a basic blowjob.) Watch porn: even the free crappy stuff on Youporn is helpful here, because you can see facial expressions and technique and just mimic that.

2. Remembering it’s not. You’re not going to get physical indicators that tell you you’re doing a good job. You won’t be able to feel it getting harder (or limper) in your mouth, you’re not going to be able to feel when your partner is close to coming, you’re not going to know if you’re using your teeth too much. You have to do that work yourself: listen to your partner’s breathing, pay attention to their muscle contractions/their hands on your head/gasps of pleasure. You have to do the work of making it the most amazing blowjob they’ve ever gotten, even if they can’t feel every movement of your tongue. But that’s the fun part: you can do pretty much whatever you want to make that happen.

What do you think? Got any other advice for how to give blow jobs that don’t make you feel supremely stupid?

 

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3 Comments


  1. Well, as someone who both gives and receives blow jobs I have to say that remembering the *visuals* are one of the hottest parts help me feel like I’m giving a good blowjob. Making eye contact, using my tongue all over, letting my face show how much I’m enjoying this … all of these help to make the experience awesome.

    If one has experience sucking biocock, it can be useful to remember that you can be a lot rougher with a strapon than most biococks enjoy. Of course, you can also tear silicone with your teeth (not recommended!) but I’ve found that gently grasping the cock with my mouth and using that to push against my partner’s body can be hot and give them a stronger physical connection that just running my mouth over their cock. A bit of humming can help transmit vibrations as well, though I always feel pretty silly doing that.

    Also, when you’re sucking cock, making occasional noises – growls, squeaks, moans, whatever suits you – can heighten the experience for yourself *and* your partner. When someone’s going down on me I like knowing that they’re having a good time, and I’ve found that making noises myself helps to raise my own arousal level.

    Also, I think remembering how awesomely overwhelmed I get when someone’s giving me a blowjob helps decrease my “I feel stupid” tendencies when I’m on the other end. If your partner’s anything like me, the “omg, my strapon’s getting sucked!” totally obliterates any ability to notice silly stuff like facial expressions or whatever.

  2. I’d say both Kristen and Zephyr’s words are right-on. I’d also add that if there’s a clit at the base of the strap you can use your hand to push the dildo/ harness back onto it for added stimulation.

    And to reiterate what Kristen said, believe it. Don’t get it stuck in your head that your partner can’t feel it because they can. Maybe not in the same way as a bio cock would feel it, but no two bodies experience sex the same way anyway.

  3. Also! You can watch good queer porn that is NOT crappy and free, that you pay for, because you care about there being MORE good queer porn and you want to give queer performers money, if you want to see what it looks like. See previous post (ahem) for a good place to start. :-P

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