Comments on: BDSM is Not Abuse http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/ The sex, gender, and relationship adventures of a kinky queer butch top Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:09:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Reconciling Feminism & Sadism – Sugarbutch Chronicles http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-12054 Reconciling Feminism & Sadism – Sugarbutch Chronicles Tue, 29 Jun 2010 19:28:39 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=4353#comment-12054 [...] too, about agency, in feminist terms. It has to do with the very simple distinctions between BDSM and abuse, even if they are equated by many anti-porn feminists. And it has to do with the Platinum [...] [...] too, about agency, in feminist terms. It has to do with the very simple distinctions between BDSM and abuse, even if they are equated by many anti-porn feminists. And it has to do with the Platinum [...]

]]> By: Danika http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-12035 Danika Fri, 25 Jun 2010 01:08:25 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=4353#comment-12035 This is great to see again. It's so important to point out that there are clear distinctions and boundaries that can never be crossed. Thanks for posting this. This is great to see again. It’s so important to point out that there are clear distinctions and boundaries that can never be crossed. Thanks for posting this.

]]> By: another femme http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-11992 another femme Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:48:19 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=4353#comment-11992 Thank you thank you thank you for posting this. I'm seriously considering mailing it - possibly anonymously - to a former literature professor. After reading a short story about a clearly abusive relationship, she invited the class to consider that it might be considered a sadomasochistic relationship. I was too insecure, and too overwhelmed by all of the things that were wrong with that suggestion, to say anything at the time, but it's bothered me since, and I've been looking for a way to bring in a third party "authority" to show her why she was wrong. Thank you thank you thank you for posting this. I'm seriously considering mailing it – possibly anonymously – to a former literature professor. After reading a short story about a clearly abusive relationship, she invited the class to consider that it might be considered a sadomasochistic relationship. I was too insecure, and too overwhelmed by all of the things that were wrong with that suggestion, to say anything at the time, but it's bothered me since, and I've been looking for a way to bring in a third party "authority" to show her why she was wrong.

]]> By: mc http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-11985 mc Sun, 13 Jun 2010 15:19:58 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=4353#comment-11985 though I'm not into SM myself, I'm well aware of the differences. However, I've never seen it this clearly articulated, and now I feel much more well-armed against the scary Dworkin-type feminists who say that all BDSM is patriarchal and wrong. The differences are simple, but yet not simply the difference between consent and no consent. Sometimes you can give consent but without that consent being from power - drunk/drugged consent? And this is so great, especially the idea that everyone feels good after. though I'm not into SM myself, I'm well aware of the differences. However, I've never seen it this clearly articulated, and now I feel much more well-armed against the scary Dworkin-type feminists who say that all BDSM is patriarchal and wrong. The differences are simple, but yet not simply the difference between consent and no consent. Sometimes you can give consent but without that consent being from power – drunk/drugged consent? And this is so great, especially the idea that everyone feels good after.

]]> By: randy http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-11984 randy Sun, 13 Jun 2010 15:09:30 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=4353#comment-11984 Awesome succinct summary of things we simply assume yet can have troubles articulating, thanks for sharing! Awesome succinct summary of things we simply assume yet can have troubles articulating, thanks for sharing!

]]> By: llamawench http://www.sugarbutch.net/2010/06/bdsm-is-not-abuse/comment-page-1/#comment-11983 llamawench Sun, 13 Jun 2010 09:32:06 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=4353#comment-11983 Thank you for re-printing this, it's important that people understand these distinctions. For those of us who have an interest in the scene and take part in it, whether privately or at gatherings, we understand the differences. But for a lot of people, they equate BDSM with fear, domestic abuse and assume that there is some kind of forced participation. This usually happens because of ignorance regarding the relationships involved. Also fear and lack of understanding because they themselves wouldn't find pleasure in it, maybe some of it is shame-based too, because they DO want to take part and don't know how to ask for what they want. Anyway, thank you. You're doing a bang-up job of dealing with many issues that myself and a lot of people I know, face every day. Thank you for re-printing this, it's important that people understand these distinctions. For those of us who have an interest in the scene and take part in it, whether privately or at gatherings, we understand the differences. But for a lot of people, they equate BDSM with fear, domestic abuse and assume that there is some kind of forced participation. This usually happens because of ignorance regarding the relationships involved. Also fear and lack of understanding because they themselves wouldn't find pleasure in it, maybe some of it is shame-based too, because they DO want to take part and don't know how to ask for what they want.

Anyway, thank you. You're doing a bang-up job of dealing with many issues that myself and a lot of people I know, face every day.

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