Archive for May, 2010
Since it is National Masturbation Month and all, and while I’m not participating in the Masturbate-a-Thon or creating my own ritual like Curvaceous Dee‘s Wankfest, I figured I’d still up the masturbation talk a bit.
Maybe it’s the (perceived or real) body and gender dysphoria, but most of the butches I know—even those who write sex blogs—don’t write about masturbation often, if ever. Including me.
After years and years of getting myself off, I’ve tried many dozens of toys. My favorite early on was the basic little silver bullet (I used to go through one or two of those a year), but they are only about $15, so they are worth an annual investment.
It took a while for me to upgrade to a Hitachi. It’s pretty intimidating, regardless of how sensitive you are, and very intense. The thing plugs into the wall, for goodness sake. I (and many others) often joke that you have to rev it up like a chainsaw. Yeah, the thing is intense, but that’s because it doesn’t fuck around. It is serious vibration, serious power.
And I love it.
I do get off without it, sometimes, but I prefer to use it. I come harder and quicker with it, and it gives a bigger release. I know some folks claim that it dulls one’s sensitivity over time, and I’m not sure what I think about that argument. I know I’ve been using it for years and it hasn’t dulled my sensations, as far as I can tell. Nothing permanent or irreparable, certainly. It does seem like when I’m using it frequently (I have had some patches in my life where masturbation has been more frequent than others), it’s harder to get off other ways. But that seems to quickly change if or when I take a break.
The thing about the Hitachi, though, is that it comes with this plain white “head,” this porous, non-sterilizable material that just begs to be replaced. If you love your vibration to also be insertable, you want to go with something like the Gee Whiz attachment, but me, I just want it to be silicone, and a little added texture is a nice bonus. For that, you need the Off With Your Head attachment.
At this point, that attachment is practically a requirement. If I ever got someone a Hitachi as a gift, I’d include one of those—it just seems not quite done or dressed or ready without it. One side has a little pinched vertical ridge, the other side has multiple horizontal ridges, and one of those is bound to be just the extra bit of stimulation that will go perfectly with your vroom vroom motorcycle vibration.
If you, like me, like something inside sometimes, there is nothing like The Pure Wand. Pure polished stainless steel, 1.51 pounds (POUNDS), eight inches long by 1.5″ at the thicker end and 1″ at the thinner end, and with a perfect g-spot curve. It tends to be pretty cool to the touch, adopting the room’s temperature, unless you warm it up first, which is another delicious side effect, that your body temperature warms it up and it feels different on the way out.
You might think the Pure Wand just isn’t quite big enough, you size queens you, but in my experience folks who like to feel full or filled up often are trying to get their g-spot hit, and this does a beautiful job of that. Perhaps you might need to upgrade to the Eleven, if you can afford it (I’m still trying to get my hands on one of those. Anybody? I should offer something special in exchange for the opportunity to have my own to review …), though I have heard from folks who have both that they prefer the Pure Wand. I’ll have to report back to you on that one in the future.
So there you’ve got it: my three favorite masturbation toys. The Hitachi + Off With Your Head Attachment + The Pure Wand. If there’s a better combination for a lovely afternoon, lounging around on my bed and lovin’ on myself for a while, I don’t know what it is.
Buy the Hitachi: at Babeland, at Good Vibrations, or at the Stockroom
Buy the Off With Your Head Attachment: at Babeland, at Good Vibrations, or at the Stockroom
Buy the Pure Wand: at Babeland, at Good Vibrations, or at the Stockroom
So … remember The L Word Serenade, the L Word rap that Rebecca Drysdale did a bit more than a year ago? I love it so much, it cracks me up every time. Go watch it and come back, I’ll wait, I promise.
Well, Drysdale has teamed up with Drae Campbell … wait, what’s that? You don’t know Drae’s work? Here ya go:
So, back to my point. Drysdale and Campbell have teamed up and have made a short film called You Move Me which Campbell said is “a lesbian, dare I say a butch Buddy Movie, comedy. Written by and Starring Drae Campbell and Rebecca Drysdale as the buddies, Tru and Dex. I don’t want to give too much away, but there is a U-Haul, a strap-on and a dog named Elaine Stritch. The basic premise is Tru has just broken up with her girlfriend and needs to get her stuff. So Dex and Tru rent a truck to get the stuff when they think the girlfriend is not home. Hilarity ensues. It’s called You Move Me, directed by Gina Hirsch.”
Iit will be at Frameline in SF on June 26th at the Castro at 345pm, Gay pride weekend, and in NYC at NewFest on Sat June 12th at 1pm at SVA.
Just in case the “butch buddy movie” and Drae and Beck’s hotness wasn’t enough, here’s some still photos from the film.
Can’t wait to see it.
I woke early the other day, with that familiar urge to hold and protect and control Kristen, maybe it’s the subconscious absorption of her smooth naked skin all night long, how sweet her body feels in my arms as we both turn and slumber, maybe it’s when we go in and out of whatever tough times we’re having, either about each other or just our individual general struggles against the world, maybe it’s just how I am wired, to protect and shelter, and sometimes control and dominate.
I began touching her before she was fully awake. She and I have talked about this, I have permission to take her whenever I want to, particularly in the mornings, she likes to be awakened that way. I kissed her neck and collarbone and breasts and shoulders, let my hand trail slow and soft over her skin as she murmured little sighs and stirred gently, eyelids heavy, not really awake and not really trying to be.
Slipping her panties down and off of her, I stayed low on the bed and kept my hands on her hips, using my elbows to spread her thighs open, the soft and sweet indirect morning light just enough to see the pink and pretty lips of her pussy. Delicate and velvety and I wanted to taste her, lowered my mouth down to run my tongue along the length of her slit. Just the tip of my tongue, breath hot on her cunt, keeping my mouth hovering above her and my hands gripping her hips. She squirmed. Pressed her thighs into the bed, pressed up as high as she could against my mouth, tensed everywhere.
I let my tongue flatten and drag softly, softly along her pussy again, from her hole up to her clit, and rest there, using the soft inner part of my lips to suck and tease.
Kristen comes easily this way. Tongue on her clit, one finger just one knuckle in and circling around the opening of her cunt, she quickly thrashes her arms down into the mattress and gasps, twisting her head and jerking her legs straight. I soften the pressure and go back in, tongue wide and lapping again, with quicker, smaller movements over her clit, until she comes again, crying out a little louder this time, and I shift up the bed to kiss her, hold her close for a moment.
I had set it up a week ago: taken the new fleece-lined wrist cuffs and secured them to another set of cuffs I’d placed around the bars of my headboard with some snap hooks. Kristen likes to struggle, likes to thrash around, and a little bit of restraint goes a long way: it gives her the opportunity to push or pull against something, lets a few more of her muscles tense and tighten and release a little deeper (and plus she doesn’t hit me in the face quite as easily). I took the fleece-lined cuffs down and buckled them around her wrists, then the easy click of the snap hooks secured her wrists to the bedframe.
She immediately calmed and quieted, not out of boredom but out of relaxation, watching me as I moved back down between her legs and set again to tonguing her pussy, making her come. This time I slid two fingers into her pussy, sucking her lips into my mouth and spreading them open with my hands to get to her clit. She strained against the cuffs and I felt the muscles in her stomach and ass tighten every time she pulled against the headboard.
I lost track of how many times she came in my mouth. Sometimes I let up, gave her a break, paused between orgasms, other times I just kept going and she did, too. I brought my elbows up to press her legs apart, kept my fingers inside her or spreading her lips open. I held her hips, pinched her nipples, gripped her ankles, held her legs up by the back of her thighs. I reached for the conveniently located pump bottle of Maximus lube on the nightstand and got a dollop on my third finger so I could slide it into her ass, just a little, filling her up, sucking her clit as swollen as I could and letting up just as she was about to come, changing my stroke down to a tickle until she contracted hard around my fingers and came again, again, again.
I lost track of time. I stopped caring if she was being too loud for this time in the morning, whether my neighbors would be home. I wanted to get my camera out, take up-close macro shots of the curves and lines and folds of her pussy, oh so pink and swollen and beautiful.
Not that she would have minded me doing that, but I didn’t. Next time, perhaps. That image of her arms and legs and pussy spread is still so clear in my mind, still a lovely mental image I’ve replayed more than a few times since then.
The cuffs were easy to unhook, left no marks, no bruises, no dye, were very comfortable. I pulled her close and noticed it was well past time to get up. “Morning, beautiful girl,” I murmured into her hair.
The Fleece Lined Buckling Cuffs w/Scalloped Edge and KinkLab Nickel-Plated Snap Hooks (4-Pack) were sent to me to review from JT’s Stockroom. Check them out for all kinds of other fantastic bondage toys.
I don’t even know what to add to this … I’ve never participated, as someone who took pledges, though that sure would be fun. Anybody out there going to take part?
From the Good Vibrations press release:
buy kamagraes.com/?kbid=34272&m=24&i=107″>Good Vibrations, for 33 years America’s trusted purveyor of sexual knowledge and quality products for women (and everyone else), says, “It’s National Masturbation Month! Give yourself a hand! Or a vibrator, or something else stimulating, and don’t forget the lube!”
Good Vibes founded National Masturbation Month in 1995 in the wake of the controversy surrounding the firing of former Clinton administration Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who evoked conservative wrath when she opined that discussion of masturbation might have a place in sex education curricula. Realizing that one simple, sensible mention of solo pleasuring was enough to lose this prominent woman, the country’s first African-American surgeon general, her job convinced Good Vibrations staff that this most basic and accessible form of sex needed a serious image boost.
Some things have changed since 1995, but National Masturbation Month is still a necessary reminder that self-satisfaction is a healthy, accessible form of pleasure engaged in by almost everyone, of every gender and relationship status, at some time of (or throughout) their lives: It’s relaxing, allows people to learn more about their own sexual response, is a basic recommendation of sex therapists that can help people with many different sexual concerns, relieves menstrual cramps, and helps keep the genitals fully functional. On top of that, it’s the safest form of sex a person can have.
“Too many people still feel uncomfortable about masturbation and guilty about doing it,” says Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D., one of the originators of the National Masturbation Month concept. “If only so much of US culture were not so burdened with ideas that masturbation is shameful, a sin or a poor second choice to partner sex.
GV also created and promoted the Masturbate-a-Thon, a charity event that encourages people to get pledges from their friends and raise funds via masturbation. (This event was celebrated privately by individuals; it has since morphed into a public event, not conducted by Good Vibes, that raises funds for the Center for Sex & Culture, and Masturbate-a-Thons are also held in other parts of the country and world – the other largest one is an annual event in Copenhagen. For more, see www.masturbate-a-thon.com.)
Most importantly, however, Good Vibrations continues to celebrate masturbation as we have always done: as each individual’s birthright, and as a basic pleasure that is the foundation for our other sexual experience. Visit Good Vibrations for information (in books, videos, and from our trained Sex Educator Sales Associate staff members), pleasure products of all kinds (vibrators, dildos, and of course lubricants), and inspiration (erotic books and movies). Whether shared with a partner or kept as a solo secret, self-love is accessible to, and good for, everyone.
The Famous Lesbian Comedy Roadshow* is doing a fundraiser at Bulldyke Chronicles this Saturday, guest hosting the show, and I’m one of the special guest performers!
What’s that? You haven’t heard of the Famous Lesbian Comedy Roadshow*? Well you should have! It includes my Sideshow co-host and co-curator, Cheryl B., along with Kelli Dunham, Kate McCabe, Lea Robinson, & Elizabeth Whitney. They’re going on tour this summer and this is their special fundraising show here in New York. Come on out!
Saturday, May 15, 8:30 pm
Dixon Place, 161A Chrystie St.
Lower East Side, New York City
RSVP on Facebook
With special guests:
Doris Anderson, Director of the Lesbian Community Center
Claudia Cogan, comedian
Heather Milk Gold, performer
Yetta Kurland, politician
Athena Reich, singer/songwriter
Sinclair Sexsmith, kinky queer butch top
KS Stevens a.k.a. Miss Lez 2009
Emma Willman, comedian
And of course, the multi-talented members of the Famous Lesbian Comedy Roadshow*: Cheryl B., Kelli Dunham, Kate McCabe (in spirit), Lea Robinson & Elizabeth Whitney
Silent auction, raffle, & you can have your picture taken with Officer Ruffins from Room For Cream!
* famous lesbians not included
I jumped at the chance to review a Jimmyjane massage stone from Babeland. It might seem a little cheesy, an odd thing to add to a leather and silicone arsenal of sex toys, like edible underwear or feather ticklers, but I am definitely a fan of massage. Ever since Babeland sent me Bongers (which I traded for a DVD player, I really must get some replacements), I’ve had my eye out for other sensual, relaxing toys that are easy to slip in to foreplay and settling our bodies, before or after or completely separate from sex. Plus, I’ve seen other Jimmyjane products (I have one of those, now), and I trust their high quality.
The Jimmyjane Massage Stones come in three different designs: the I, a barbell for rolling; the M, this one pictured above and the one I received, which is good for broad strokes; and the Q, a smaller node for fine pressure points. They’re all porcelain, and very elegant. Here’s the blurb:
Contour Ceramic Massage Stones offer a modern take on traditional hot stone massage. Made of double-fired porcelain, they’re bio-compatible, durable, and easy to clean. With smooth, polished surfaces, they glide over the skin, relieving tension as they go. Use them individually, or pair the stones for different massage techniques. Warm them up to soothe, or cool them down to refresh.
It’s kind of hard to tell they’re porcelain, actually—the one I have feels a bit like plastic. But it’s hard to tell, it’s very smooth. I think I just expected it to be heavier. Since it’s porcelain, it could be warmed or cooled, which I haven’t tried yet, but I think that sounds lovely. Now, I just need to get my hands on some decent massage oil so the stone can go a bit deeper into the muscles. Makes me want to watch a bunch of the “how to massage your lover” films available on Netflix’s instant watch (though I suspect most of those will be too cheesy to get through).
The M fits very nicely in the palm of the hand, and feels great on the tight spots in my shoulders and back. I have some ongoing problems with my shoulders, actually, mostly from bad posture (read: early breast development) and from all the computer work I’ve done for the last fifteen years. Anything that can get in there and start lightening the knots feels great, I won’t ever turn that down.
Funny, I was just thinking last night about acts of service that I would always accept. A shoulder massage is pretty much always welcome. Glad I’ve got this little convenient tool around to make it easier.
The Jimmyjone Natural Contour Massage Stone M was sent to me from Babeland for review. Pick up other sex toys from Babeland, still my favorite feminist, queer, friendly, educational neighborhood sex shop, in Seattle, Brooklyn, two Manhattan locations, or online.
Okay folks, Anal Week is coming to a close, you’ve had a chance to read Quick Anal Interviews with Dylan Ryan, Bailey, Tawny, Madison Young, Sophia St James, and Erudite Hayseed. Perhaps you read through some of those thinking, jeez, they left out this really important thing!
Well, here’s your chance: I’d like to hear YOUR answers to the quick anal interview questions! Here are the questions, add your answers to the comments.
1. What one tip would you suggest (aside from the obvious: lube, communicate, go slow)?
2. What lube do you recommend?
3. What position do you find excellent?
Any bonus perspective, tip, story, or thing that you’d really like to share?
Anal Week has been a really fun project, I’ve learned a lot in collecting all this data, Kristen and I have had some great conversations, and I’ve had some great comments and emails from folks saying they have had similar reservations, but that these tips and perspectives are encouraging.
Please do chime in, if you’d like to add something.
This is the last of the Quick Anal Interviews! Anal Week is coming to a close … just one more thing to go, and it’ll be all done. Thanks so much for reading. This quick anal interview is with Erudite Hayseed, author of Confessions of a Southern-Fried Kinkster.
1. What one tip would you suggest (aside from the obvious: lube, communicate, go slow)?
Tongue work, all day tongue work. Look, the prospect actual anal penetration, be it finger or otherwise, is pretty intimidating. Of course you have to ease into it that’s basic info and all. But the tongue, the actual art of analingus, is like a soft slippery key to a whole new facet of lovemaking. I’ve yet to find a partner that doesnt like it. Sure, one’s who thought it was strange of me to do it ( at first anyway ), but everyone tends to like it. That can lead to more play later. When people say “go slow,” folks have a tendency to think that means the actual act of preparation leading up to the actual fuck. There needs to be more “go slow” in relation to easing your partner into the idea of play.
While I consider anal sex to be a “No surprises” zone for most things ( and any guy who says that he just popped his dick in and went to town is either fulla shit or nursing some bruises around the head and face ), the odd surprise tounge swipe is a great way to get into the swing of things. Heck, sometimes it feels even better than the actual penatrative act, if my Lady is to be believed. But it does relax things, and it definetly shatters some hangups your partner might have.
2. What lube do you recommend?
Boy Butter. It was developed by Eyal Feldman, this brilliant gay businessman who owns and operates his website and who personally worked to create what he figured would be the best anal lubricant on the market. It’s silicone and coconut oil based, washes off with water, and just seems to last so much longer than any other lube I’ve tried ( and I’ve tried extensively ). They even make a desensitizing blend ( good for those who are just starting out or those who are working with a larger size ), water based if you’ve got any sort of silicone allergy. The price is fair, especially for such a groundbreaking idea, and the packaging is just adorable. Seriously, give it a try.
[ Quick note from Sinclair: silicone based lube does NOT go with silicone toys, so DO NOT use it if you're using butt plugs or strap-on cocks that are silicone. Also, many sex educators are really against desensitizing anal creams, they can be dangerous. ]
3. What position do you find excellent?
Depends on what I’m doing. For rimming, I likefor Lady to basically lay down with her knees under her stomach, kind of sitting on her feet–it gives the best access to everything, the entire themepark of waist-southernly delights. Thats good especially for kinkier fare, and the application of bondage tape and an eager tongue tends to add up to a very, very fun time.
For the actual act of lovemaking, I tend to use a position that is popularly referred to as the “Prone Bone” wherin your partner lays flat on his/her stomach with legs closed. I will warn that this position should only really be used if you know what exactly your partners limits are. My girlfriend likes it rougher than most, with almost no way to get out of her predicament, so that position is just the best. Doggystyle is okay, but I feel like I sacrifice a bit of my actual thrusting power with it, and if we’re doing it, daggone it we’re doing it.
Any bonus perspective, tip, story, or thing that you’d really like to share?
Toys can be an intimidating thing, but if you’re comfortable enough with rocking the whole vibe/dildo set, I have to suggest a butt plug. For one, they come in just about any size, and for two, they are the ultimate in preperation. A good, small buttplug for the first time user is excellent. For one, it’s something you can slide in and not worry about holding, which is a big hurdle for a lot of people, myself included: I dont mind taking the time and all, but just sitting there with a couple of fingers up your partner while she adjusts can get a tad boring. If your partner is especially tight, like mine, it turns into this whole waiting game atmosphere. I’m a decent hand at dirty talk, but I can only keep it up for so long.
Another great benefit is that the butt plug is a good bridge between vaginal and anal sex. Trust me, it makes everything on the pussy end of things much, much more fun. The space that is normally afforded to your invading fingers or cock is filled up, creating a tighter feel and angling whatever you’re doing upwards, which can really up the chances of ( or the intensity of ) a pure penetrative orgasm. If you’re already past the first couple of stages of involving anal play ( discussion and light teasing/fingering ), this is honestly the next step to go.
Thanks so much!
Kristen’s birthday is next week, but we’ll be in Seattle, in part to celebrate her birthday (I think we’ll be going out to a fancy vegetarian restaurant, and yes of course there will be cake, and maybe The Seal will balance something on her head in Kristen’s honor).
I didn’t do much last year on here, just a call for birthday wishes. This year, I have a little bit of a surprise project cooking. Want to take part in Kristen’s Birthday Project? Email me, , and I’ll give you further instructions. I’m especially looking for butches and tops and dominants, but everybody is invited. It doesn’t matter where you live, you can participate from anywhere in the world. I’ll start actually posting the birthday wishes around her birthday, next week.
Aside from that, tonight is the Navel-Gazing (aka National Masturbation Month) Sideshow, and she is inviting folks to offer Kristen a birthday kiss. It will be scripted: you say, “Happy birthday, Kristen! May I offer you a birthday kiss?” and she’ll say, “Thank you, not right now,” or “Yes please, how sweet!” and offer you something to kiss, like her hand or her cheek or her lips.
I’m heading back to Seattle next weekend, May 22-23, for the Sex 2.0 Conference!
I’ll be presenting a workshop on Yes, No, and Consent, based on the article I wrote a while back and some subsequent conversations and feedback. Here’s the description:
Yes, No, and Consent:
It tends to be a basic assumption in kinky and sex-positive communities that sexy explorations must be done consensually, that both parties must express a YES (verbally or non-verbally), especially when getting into the dirty stuff. And many of us know that in order to say YES, we have to be able to say NO, to have full agency and full options available to us. But what about when you want something, your partner says they are into it, but you feel guilty? How do we take the YES more seriously? How can you use social media & the internet as explorations of communication, increasing the desire and friction in your sex life?
I don’t know which day or time I’ll be presenting, but I’ll let you know when I do know. If you’re in Seattle, please do consider coming! It’s a relatively inexpensive conference, and I always hear amazing things about it. I wanted to go when it was in DC last year, but couldn’t make it.
I went to college in Seattle (at the University of Washington, majoring in Gender Studies and Creative Writing, graduated in 2004), and lived there for almost seven years. I can’t wait to go walk around Greenlake, eat at Rom Mai Thai on Broadway, get a beer at the Elysian, and have a happy hour $4 double whiskey at the Rosebud. I only wish Pete’s Pizza hadn’t closed, I’ve never had calzones that good anywhere else. I haven’t been back in a while, I’m really looking forward to it.