My question: given that you think & write so much about sex, do you dream about sex? What are your sex dreams like? Do you get ideas for awake sex from dream sex? &c…

Keep on rockin!

I'm completely femme and work in a very straight environment. A few of my co-workers know that I'm gay, but I haven't come out to all of them, and I've been at this work place for a year. I don't usually hide my sexuality, but it's been extremely hard for me to relax with it at this workplace. I hate that, and my partner is somewhat hurt that I haven't been open about it and talked about her. I want to be able to do so, and I want to be strong in myself and come out with it. Any ideas on how to do it? The longer I wait the more awkward it is.

Thanks much,

-L

Now for my question. I'm in a relationship with someone I love deeply. She has been very accepting of my interest in experimenting with S/m and my explorations of my identity as a submissive. The only problem is that she's not drawn to power play in the same way that I am – and submitting loses some of its charm when you're instructing your partner to dominate you. My question is, what are some tools/techniques that help someone to "try on" a dominant persona? We've experimented with spanking and bondage, but a large part of the turn-on for me is the psychological aspects of humiliation and punishment – something that can't be simulated through physical play alone. So how can I help her to get into the right mindset? I think that she could make an excellent dom, but I don't think she quite is confident in her own power and, possibly because she is less drawn to it than I am, she is less motivated to develop these skills. I know many people end up looking elsewhere to have these needs satisfied, but we are not quite ready to take that step. So how would you advise a new, and perhaps, reluctant dom to become more comfortable with her power?

Here’s a couple of questions for you:

a) I often find myself at a loss when trying to slot myself into the femme-butch dichotomy – I don’t feel like I can identify with either. Yet I can’t really pass for androgynous (come on, boobs). so much of what I see in the queer world, in person and online, frames itself around being butch or femme and I feel left out. Is there a movement of queer people who *don’t* align themselves with butch or femme?

b) Some practical advice now…so there’s this girl. :D She’s a friend of a friend and there’s possibly something brewing there. (She knows I’m interested in her, she’s intrigued, hasn’t promised anything yet but would like to get to know me better). She’s overseas at the moment and won’t be back in my neighbourhood till August, baaaaaah.
We’ve been chatting over Facebook and I’d like to send her some subtly flirty messages. Nothing too obvious or creepy, but what can I say that won’t either lose the flirtiness (I found that even when I explicitly say something meant to be flirtatious it gets read as normal!) or freak her out? Any ideas?

Can you tell a story about coming out as gay to friends or family members when you were younger?

Did you ever go to summer camp?