Dear Mr. Sexsmith: Harnesses

Dear Mr. Sexsmith:

Can you recommend a company or a website that makes strap on dildos for plus sized women? i’ve seen this one on, but it’s not aesthetically pleasing at all (i’m not really a fan of the leather diaper look) plus the dildo it comes with is purple, and I would much rather prefer a more realistic looking cock. If you can recommend anything, please let me know. I’m a size 24/26 if that will help you at all. Thanks so much!


Lauren –

There are definitely some harnesses out there that would fit & be comfortable, much better than a “leather diaper.”

I tweeted your question the other day and got a lot of ideas. Responses were:

I can definitely speak to the Joque (aka Spareparts) – that’s the one everybody loves these days. it’s not my favorite personally, but it’s extra comfortable and really easy to use, and machine washable. Lots of good things. Outlaw is a fantastic company, they make both the Syd and the Missy-G, and those are kind of feisty, lots of personality.

Eden Fantasys has very good data on all their products in the “overview” part in the left-hand sidebar, including the maximum waist size.

Hope that helps! And hey, readers: what’s your experiences with harnesses for folks who have a bit of extra girth? Got any recommendations, or comments about the harnesses that were mentioned?

Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is a genderqueer kinky butch writer who teaches and performs, specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They've written at since 2006, recognized numerous places as one of the Top Sex Blogs. Sinclair's gender theory and queer erotica is widely published in anthologies like Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, and online at Feministing, Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more; they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut, Sinclair's first book of short erotic stories, was published in 2014. They use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself, and live in Oakland, CA with their boy.

8 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Sexsmith: Harnesses”

  1. Adisson says:

    Spareparts Joque is fantastic. It fits people of all sorts of shapes and sizes and is super comfy, even when its strapped extra tight. ^_^" It's especially good if you don't have the money for the more expensive leather harnesses. IMHO.

  2. Jen says:

    Try I actually saw a write up about them somewhere years ago, and ended up buying some of their really cool bracelets. Though my partner at the time wasn't plus sized, we browsed the harnesses (everything is made from recycled tire innertubes!!) and I believe they had plus sized models available.


  3. Sh! Girlz says:


    Sh! here – the UK's Only Women's Sex Shop and manufacturer of own-brand strapon harnesses and silicone dildos – none of which are diaper-style!!

    Our double strap harness xxl fits up to a size 24 (… and is hugely popular and comfortable.

    Love the Sh! Girlz. London

  4. ephraim says:

    i really like the outlaw harness. if you go to their etsy store they sometimes sell off their overstock at huge discounts. i'm saving up for one of their thigh harnesses – such an attractive design; much nicer than the average neoprene cuff.

  5. Lin says:

    I just found out that they make a g-string style of the Spareparts harness called Theo and was wondering if anyone had tried it.

    1. Sinclair says:

      I don’t know this harness! Definitely haven’t tried it. Anybody have a link? nevermind, I found it! – I will have to check it out, I’m definitely curious. Haven’t tried it yet.

  6. lady brett says:


    my girl has one, and it is great. it's fairly low-profile (we haven't yet, but it would be easy to pack-and-play with, i think – plus, it's just not bulky). it's sexy (and recycled, oooh). and, most relevant, it comes in any size – they are made to order by your measurement (keep in mind that you're going to want it to be tight so it's firm, my girl's is a little too big because of that (but they are a little bit adjustable). they are pretty reasonably priced as well (and don't charge extra for larger sizes, which is also cool).

    also, check out the cute dyke who makes them! ;)

  7. lia says:

    I'm in-between sizes, so I got my harness custom-sized at no extra cost from Aslan Leather. They were awesome about it!

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