I don’t know that I can offer suggestions on where to go, but I’ll say that the journey is incredibly important. We’re all in our own places on the gender spectrum, and sometimes even I don’t understand your specific situation, I have understood the struggle and the discovery of knowledge on your part.

I have really appreciated your willingness to put yourself out there, to lay yourself bare. I hope that whatever path you choose, you’ll a) continue to share as freely and b) know that there are a lot of us who appreciate it.

I was a total marching band nerd, so I'll borrow that imagery- the type of leadership involved in getting 200 plus over-excited hyper-creative music people to the exact right spot at the exact right moment so that a giant flower blooms across the gridiron is somewhat peculiar.

That takes a lot of disparate elements and lines them up to achieve a series of very specific events; this is event leadership.

But a band director is also responsible for encouraging the development of those over-excited hyper-creative music people into ever more talented music people. That's a more open ended leadership, and it has everything to do with making a safe place to explore; in my college marching band, that was done with small, self-directed winter ensembles. The only rule was that they couldn't overlap schedules- students had to be free to join as many as they wanted. The director only stepped in when his presence was requested to settle a dispute or provide expertise.

For me, the best part of marching band was the continuous cycle between the event-oriented fall and the exploration-oriented winter.

I don't know what I would suggest to you; I suspect you want to focus on the latter, on encouraging personal growth rather than parades. I have no idea how to do that online, but I was very much impressed with the balance we had at band, so I shared it. Hope it helps!

At any rate, I think you handled yourself very well during the top hot butches thing. But I have a friend who rolls her eyes when I mention you, but I havent asked why.

But that's the point of putting yourself out there in front of such a young, embattled community, you become the whipping boy, upon which we beat out our own turmoils and stories. You become the material. Your metal will be twisted by our hands into a bold sculpture that we show to outsiders, proudly.

Know what I mean?

Really, though, all of your explorations have held my interest. I am interested in the butch/femme dynamic, and the impossibility of figuring out where I reside. I am interested in community building. I am interested in events and your insights into them. I love the eye candy. I love semantics. Etcetera.

As I said, Carry on!

the move from the young male to the mature male is a process that we all share, but then again our bounderies keep us from really sahreing it..

I have gone beyond 60 years and have found a new peace in my maleness for the first time.

Good luck on your journey. may the wind be at your back and the road level before you..

we are all always works in progress, of course. my hope for this space is that you continue to share your own process and evolution. maybe you will find yourself writing more about the work of building a healthy long-term relationship, or the politics of moving through life's milestones as a genderqueer person. maybe someday you will write about the experience of mentoring younger butches. whatever it is, you will be leading by doing, which is, in my opinion, the best way to do it.