Archive for June, 2009
These are some of the moments I remember, some of the flashes of motion that still play in my mind.
Her arms bound to her chest; fifty feet of rope wrapped around and bound. Then her knees bent up and back and bound to her wrists. Wrapped around again. The way her muscles strained to the edges of the rope. Her eyes when she came, her face open, hips open, straining.
In that sunny summer dress in the park, without panties. I layed out my jacket for her to sit on. My mind racing the whole time we sat in the grass. Stop thinking about it, stop thinking about it, but I couldn’t, I wanted her lifted against that tree, dress pushed up around her waist, with everybody watching as she screamed while she came over and over.
Her mouth on my cock. That look on her face. Oh so many times. Eyes wide and glancing up at me, filling with tears when I push too hard. My hand on the back of her head. Yeah, suck it, suck it deep. More, baby, take it deeper. Good girl. Slapping it on her tongue. She wants it. Opens her mouth and I shove it in.
The moments I resist, wait, torture her just a little. Tip of my cockhead against her pussy lips, rubbing upagainst her clit, up and down, and she pushes into me, starts wriggling her hips. Oh, you want something? Whatcha trying to do, baby? Slap it against her, she’s wet, I hear it. She starts saying please, please please please, in that voice that undoes me, and of course I slide it in. I can deny her nothing.
All the aftercare pillowtalk when her eyes sparkle and she is flushed, glowing. All that light in her laugh and feather-soft touches make me feel easier, like I make sense. I’ve said it before but she is very easy to love, easy to spend time with, easy to adore, easy to shower with affection.
Camping last weekend and we created our own sanctuary in the small tent, we couldn’t even stand up. The woods are easy for me, no struggle, everything takes less work, though for her it takes a bit more. She is more of a city kid than I am, despite my current reisdence in the one-zero-zero-zero-zero zip codes. We wriggle out of our clothes and I have such a grip on the ground that I can be even deeper inside her, even harder, even faster. Birds and trees and smoky campfire and even the thunderstorms all afternoon, all night, and though I was not exactly relaxed I enjoyed every minute of being with her, and I wouldn’t have chosen to be anywhere else.
Trying out my Hitatchi before she decided she wanted one of her own, keeping it shoved hard against her cunt, no stop I can’t take anymore she’d say, then come again, and again.
Whispering at her neck, into her ear, you’re mine, you’re mine, and she moans yes, yes, take me however you want, I’m yours, take me how you like it, take me, I’m yours, please, please.
There is so much. The sex memories are running together and sometimes I can’t remember what happened yesterday. It’s been six months, can you believe it? Six months this past weekend since we started dating, and I still can’t get enough of her, still want more of her, still there are so many things to do and explore. Our future continues to expand as we build this deeper, stronger, more solid. I don’t know if we really “took it slow,” we’re both such passionate, intense, emotional people who fall hard and fast, but I kept myself solid, I did not lose myself (did you hear that? I just said I did not lose myself and that’s a big deal), and it’s just so fucking good.
I’m still behind on, well, everything, so this is just links for now, no commentary. I had fun recording these interviews and recommend their podcasts in general – lots of interesting guests!
Sex, Love, and Intimacy Podcast episode 92 with Chip August. “Sinclair Sexsmith defies categorization. He’s a self described lesbian, kinky writer, queer butch top, feminist sex educator in New York City. Join us as we talk about gender expression, identities, labels, transcending the mutually exclusive binaries, queer culture, concepts of how gender identity and sexual identity intersect, butch/femme roles as a language of desire, how labels can be restrictive or liberating and so much more. And don’t miss the exercise for you to try at home.”
Masocast with Unspeakable Axe and me: Could You Just Use Your Fist? “Sinclair talks about gender, swagger, sex in public, cock confidence, how she’s having the best sex of her life and more.”
Download the mp3 files directly from the websites, or subscribe to the podcasts using something like iTunes.
Thanks to the random integer generator at random.org, comment #8 has been chosen as the winner of the Grip, and that is Mugsie! Congrats! I’ll contact you shortly for your shipping information and get it mailed out to you.
Thanks very much to Babeland for this giveaway.
I know there’s been a lack of long, smutty, or gender posts lately – I’ve got some deadlines and some events that have been keeping me busy lately. Follow me on twitter for daily snippets, if you want, and I promise I’ll tell you all about the rope and spreader bar and blow jobs and other fantastic dirty things I’ve been doing with Kristen as we keep falling for each other, just as soon as I have a little more time to clear my head and write again.
Well – now that you’ve seen my extensive review of how boys like me can jack off with the Fleshlight, I’ve got one more jack off toy to share with you: The Grip.
It’s 4-3/4″ x 2″, but: it’s a sleeve, which means it’s got holes at both ends, and doesn’t create any suction whatsoever. It was so apparent that this wouldn’t work for my particular, uh, cock needs, that I didn’t even take it out of the packaging.
So I’ve got this poor lil Grip sitting around, all sad & lonely. And that’s where YOU come in – would you like to give this toy a new home?
Leave a comment and I’ll pick one number at random. Just tell me one thing about how you masturbate, I dont’ care what it is, something like: What’s the most interesting place you ever masturbated? Or tell me something about masturbating, or tell me … something else entirely. May was National Masturbation Month, after all, we may as well honor that (even if it is already June).
I’ll pick a winner on Monday morning, you’ve got all weekend to add your name to the pool by leaving a comment.
In addition to four small condom cases and one foot long, I also have two five-inchers. Here are the winners, drawn at random:
Four (black) Size Does Matter Condom Cases
8 – Mr. Smith
11 – Bucking Bill
34 – CG
16 – Alisha
Two (brown) Five Inchers
37 – Kelly
2 – Amber
30 – Jacket’s Girl
Congrats! I’ve emailed you all individually also; please email me your mailing addresses so I can get them out to you. If you’d like a copy of the Sugarbutch Star Chapbook along with your FYN case (no pressure! but if I’m putting something in the mail for you anyway, it’s an easy addition) they’re $10.
I’ve got two more giveaways in the next few weeks; check back to see what they’ll be.
The talented designer of the For Your Nymphomation cases, Vera, left a special note on the comment thread:
If you are not lucky enough to win a case offered in this contest, you can shop our online store and enter coupon code “SINCLAIR” at checkout until Aug 31 to save 10% off your online purchase!
And for additional savings, our Rolling Toy Trunk is on sale for only $199.99 until the end of June! Hurry- it goes back up to full price $319.99 at the end of this month!
If you’ve ever wanted some of these cases (and it sounds like some of you could seriously use a toybox or two), now’s a great time to do it! Thanks Vera.
I just saw the trailer for the film Pariah, which looks amazing. It’s part of the Netflix Find Your Voice competition – it needs to be in the top five to move on to the next round, and at stake is a package worth $150,000 in cash and $350,000 in services that go toward producing the feature film.
The trailer looks amazing, check it out:
It looks beautifully done, complex, and emotional, and I’d love to see the full-length film get made. I haven’t heard of Dee Rees, the director, but clearly she’s one to watch.
If you like the trailer, go over to Netflix Find Your Voice and vote FIVE STARS for it to move forward in the competition, and, hopefully, eventually, become a full feature film. Take a look at the Pariah website or more information about the film. (Thanks, Jenni, from butch.org, for sending on the link.)
This episode of fucking with gender is brought to you by Babeland, one of the most fabulous feminist, woman-friendly, gender-friendly, and queer-friendly sex toy stores, and the (in)famous male sex toy: the Fleshlight.
Oh boy. Where do I begin?I’ve never fully written up the Mr. Man dildo – or the ‘blow job cock,’ as I tend to think of it – so let me introduce you to that first. Because without Mr. Man, I have even less use for a Fleshlight.
Mr. Man is by Jollies, and is 8.5″ long (6″ insertable) and 1.75″ in diameter, with balls that hang in front of the base, in front of the harness’s o-ring. The first draft of this cock was not made to go into a harness (you may’ve seen some of those reviews from some other sexblog folks last summer), but let me assure you, this one can strap on just fine. It is dense silicone, hard plastic but high quality, not very squishy but sterilizable, and it comes in “realistic” colors of chocolate, caramel, and vanilla.
The real kicker is this: it has a shallow indentation at the base made to go over the wearer’s clit, and a hollow center, a narrow tube down the middle from tip to base, which means when sucked, the wearer can feel pressure at the bottom. Yes, you can actually get off from a blow job with this cock.
Kristen (ever the willing co-toy-reviewer, I so appreciate that about her) says it’s actually a lot of work to keep that much pressure going while working on this cock. We’ve played with it quite a bit (remember the Rocking Chair Blow Job? Featured this cock) but I don’t usually grab for it when I want to get blown – since I got the Bandit I tend to go for that one. But that doesn’t mean this cock still doesn’t hold a certain thrill – oh lord it does – and I would list it in my top 10 toys, for sure.
I personally have never come this way. But damn, it feels goooood to feel her mouth working on me. I’ve often wondered how I could perhaps get better at using the Mr. Man, so I could come more easily. And I think that’s where I first came to the idea of playing with a Fleshlight or another guy’s toy, to practice the feeling of pressure on my clit that the Mr. Man creates, and see if there are perhaps better positions, or angles, or something, that make it easier for me to get off.
So I jumped on the chance when Babeland offered it up.
First, some information (copied from Babeland’s site): The Fleshlight is 8 inches in length with a removable base for greater length or vibe insertion. Made of phthalate-free “Reel Feel Super Skin.” The diameter is variable, 1/2″ x 3-1/2″. (The “reel feel super skin” part means it is NOT sterilizable, but it tends to be a solo toy, so unless you’re sharing, that probably doesn’t matter. Just something to note.) The inner part – the pink part – comes totally out of the case and can be turned inside-out for cleaning, which should be with warm water. In order to keep it soft, like many of the other “real skin” toys, it should be dusted with cornstarch.
I know, I know, you want to know that good stuff. What did it feel like to stick my dick in it? Did it feel like fucking? Was it possible to get off?
I could definitely feel it – the Fleshlight did create enough suction to pull on the Mr. Man and feel it in my clit. But I didn’t get off that way, and after a while (a few minutes at least, my hand was getting awfully tired) I keep getting increasingly frustrated – why not just use my hand?! It feels like … the cock and the Fleshlight are just in the way. And my hand gets really fucken tired – it’s a pretty tight fit, as you can imagine my cock doesn’t have any give to it, really, so sometimes it’s really tight and a lot of work to get it in and out.
It really wasn’t the fireworks I was hoping for.
But then, I ran across Babeland’s How To Use The Fleshlight guide, and that helped. Read some reviews of it, too, and that made a difference. I soaked it in warm water before using, and I lubed it up a lot better than I had before, which made it more pliable and easier to fuck. I tried it out in as many positions as I could think of, and thrusting into it rather than moving it on my cock is better, but problematic, and still a bit uncomfortable.
I like the idea of having it mounted somewhere, or between the mattresses, or somewhere stationary, but uh, that’s kind of more like fucking a real person, I guess, which is why it feels better. I know it’s not like all of us can just go, “hm, do I want to fuck the Fleshlight, or should I fuck this attractive chick, here?” I assume there’d be no contest. But for me, the options are more like, okay, do I want to wait until I can fuck a real person strapped-on, and get off with my hands actually touching my clit, or do I want to fuck the Fleshlight? And that’s a pretty easy answer.
I haven’t written it off entirely, and there is something about the genderfuckery of it all that is very appealing – and hot. I think I’m kind of hard to get off, in general, and this doesn’t really seem to make it any easier, so while I might get occasionally inspired to get back to it and try something else, I don’t think I’ll use it regularly.
I’m so glad I got a chance to try it, though. I never would’ve known, and I always would’ve wondered.
My name is
|Mr. Sinclair Sexsmith|
|My identity is|
|academic, activist, BDSM, bookworm, buddhist, butch, compassionate, dominant, dyke, empowered, faggy, female-bodied, female-born, feminist, femme-fucking, femme-loving, Green, genderqueer, gentleman, guy, hippie, intentional, introvert, kinky, lesbian, lover, meditator, metrosexual, open, pervert, poet, prettyboy, pro-label, queer, reclamation, romantic, sacred whore, sadist, sadomasochist, service top, sexsmith, sir, stud, sugarbutch, tantra, theorist, top, transbutch, transmasculine, vegetarian, yogi, wordsmith, writer|
I ran into this Yay genderstats! fill-in-your-own-gender form from a Genderfork link a while ago, I think, but haven’t been able to find it again – I wanted to give the link to the folks at the Northwestern University in Chicago when I did the F*cking with Gender workshop but didn’t find the link. (I still have to write up the workshop notes and resources, which I’ve started, but haven’t finished. Coming, I swear!)
The description says “There are exactly 939 options here, and a total of 4.6469×10282 or 4.6 trenovemgintillion possible combinations, more than there are elementary particles in the universe.” Statistics for this project are also fascinating – 43% of the over 2,000 genderform labels generated included “female” or “intelligent,” but only 6% included “butch.” However, 12% included “femme” – twice as many as butch. Maybe if one added up ALL the femme-like words and ALL the transmasculine butch-like words, they’d be slightly more even, but I think it’s interesting comparing just those two words. More people included “submissive” (21%) than “bottom” (18%), but that claiming those words are more common than “top” (13%) or “dominant” (16%).
Interesting! I mean that’s not exactly a scientific study, but from my experience that is an accurate reflection of the queer communities.
Actually, recently I said I thought it was more common – from my experience only – to run into femmes who are tops, but I’m rethinking that now. (I think I just notice it in a different when a girl is a top, because it means we’re probably not compatible in bed.) Maybe it’s closer to 50/50.
Looking over the list of words, organized in alphabetical order and by frequency, I’m struck that though there are dozens (hundreds?) of words for gender, lots of things about religion and spirituality, lots of general terms for human emotional experiences, some for relationship orientation, but there are very little for class or race. Those things are highly influential to gender identities, too, and should be included, I think. I may just email the creator about that and suggest some additional sections or words.
Have you filled in your own gender/identity yet? I’m not sure my comments will let you paste the whole table into it and publish it accurately, but if you want to paste just the labels part into the comments, I’d be curious to see what other people list. Please share!
For Your Nymphomation makes “private storage for your pleasurables,” faux leather cases with water-resistant nylon lining, which is easily wiped clean with mild soap and a damp cloth. All the bags have quality locks, which means your private toys (or documents, or manuscript, or whatever!) stay private.
Vera, the lovely owner and designer of FYN, gave me some cases to show off and give away.
Want one? Leave a comment here with one of the following answers:
What do you keep your toys in?
If you could have any of the For Your Nymphomation cases, which one would you pick?
I’ll randomly pick the winners (based on comment number) on Friday morning. If you are outside of the US I might ask you to throw a couple bucks my way for shipping costs, but please don’t let that stop you from entering!
I’ll be doing a reading – by which I mean, I’ll be reading, in person, some smut that I wrote – this coming Monday, and ohmygod I’ve never been in such better company. Seriously, wait till you see this lineup. You know how sometimes you do an event or a gig or throw a party and it’s just the best that it could possibly ever be, and you don’t know how it’ll ever get better than this.
Carol Queen is in town (!!!) and organized this reading – if you haven’t actually read her smutty queer novel The Leather Daddy and the Femme, just want to give a quick plug for it – it’s some of the most queer sex I’ve ever read, though most of it features a crossdressing dyke and a leather daddy gay boy. It is very much worth the read. (Browse through more smut & erotica that I recommend over in the Sugarbutch Amazon A-store.)
I haven’t decided what to read yet, but it’ll be very dirty. Any requests?
I hear there will be Sex Blogger Calendars we’ll be giving away, too. Come get yours signed by some of the pinups, myself included; come have a drink, come chit-chat with some of the most fascinating folks studying and writing about sexuality.
What: A Sex-Positive Soiree and Reading
When: Monday, June 8, 6-9 pm (reading will start between 7:30-8, last about an hour).
Why: Carol Queen’s coming through town and wants to collaborate with her friends Rachel and Elizabeth to make a space for connecting, schmoozing, touching base, and furthering plans for sex-positive world domination! Her SF nonprofit The Center for Sex & Culture has hosted Rachel Kramer Bussel, worked with Elizabeth Wood on her online community Sex in the Public Square, and has plans to expand its educational and cultural offerings online as soon as we can (if we can’t afford NY real estate, at least we can visit you via your computers). Come mingle with your fellow NY sex people and meet some new ones, then enjoy a reading that will surely be more salaciously smart/sexy brain candy than most people ever get on a Monday (and in some cases, sadly, EVER).
Cosponsored by the hotties at the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar (www.sexbloggercalendar.com to benefit www.sexworkawareness.org). Free calendars! Signed! (The theme for the 2010 calendar, in production now, is sexual freedom — yay NYC Sex Bloggers!)
Open to everyone 21+ — please pass it on.
Where: Happy Ending, 302 Broome Street, NYC
How much: No charge, but we have a bar guarantee to meet, so have a drink, and donations will be gratefully accepted for the Center for Sex & Culture — no amount to big or too small, and tax-deductible!
More details … Read More