Comments on: How do you get a dominant to dominate?

By: Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2009 – Sugarbutch Chronicles

Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2009 – Sugarbutch Chronicles — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 23:49:47 +0000

[...] and submission, and wrote some things I quite like, such as Sadism & the Study of Pain, How do you get a dominant to dominate?, and Yes, No, and [...]

By: virgilio freitas

virgilio freitas — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 12:17:11 +0000

I have a partner who is totally submissive which is a new experience for me, and when you find a sole mate which you can do what ever to each other but special to her and in the morning look at each other a smile, where other partner in the past would of wanted a pair of Jimmy choo shoes are Diamonds or certain partner would of probably phone the Police.

This quote by Miria hunter I think really describes it well.

If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.

By: MissAvarice

MissAvarice — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 23:15:56 +0000

I'm late to the discussion, but getting a dominant to dominate for me is (like Brett says) about playing up my submissive role, putting on a pretty pout and asking very very nicely.

By: G

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:02:34 +0000

For me, it's all mental. I can point to so many different things a woman can do, or the many body parts that make me crazy, but without that underlying mental stimulation, it's not the same for me. So it's not about a woman who submits to me, it's about the resistance before the submission. It's the fact that she won't do something when I ask her to because she knows I don't want her to anyway.

It's the words she uses to prod me in addition to her hands in my hair, legs wrapped around me. I think you got it right with the mention of the tension, too. That drives me crazy, and the right woman for me knows hows to use that power.

By: Wilhelmina

Wilhelmina — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 22:09:11 +0000

Trust is the biggest thing. That sounds really dumb, but I'm still at a point where I feel insecure about dominating (gah, sounds like such a contradiction) and so if I'm with someone I feel very comfortable with, I can let go of all the insecurity and just let the attraction/intensity/whatever spur me on to be more dominant.

What can the other person do to make me more dominant? Be a sassy bitch/torment/fuck with me a little bit, or be responsive to what I'm doing. I like to know that I'm turning them on, so to speak.

By: riotfemme

riotfemme — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 16:10:08 +0000

I react quickly when my hair is pulled, when I'm pinned down, when I'm ordered onto my knees. These actions trigger and draw out my bratty submission, remind me that I'm a bottom.

By: grrlchef13

grrlchef13 — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:45:37 +0000

Hair is such a big one. Less dominant but still very forward, both hands tangled in the other girls hair, makes more dominant kissing easily directed. I love a girl with beltloops or a belt, also very grab-able. I am so glad you mentioned pushback. I recently figured out that while I am more assertive at times, I am definitely a bottom in that I will push and pull on a lover, but in the end, I always want to be taken down. Also, best body part, back of the neck or the hips, if you're handling me there,…sold.

By: lady brett

lady brett — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 08:23:18 +0000

by submitting, of course!

i mean, everyone has their little cues; the things that turn them on – whether "on" means dominant, submissive or just, you know, on. there are, of course, themes, but it is largely a matter of getting to know who you're playing with.

this brought to mind a related but slightly different (i think) situation – bringing out dominance in someone who has previously been vanilla (like my amazing girlfriend). i suppose it's a lot of the same things, but less about tension and more about balance. it is, as always, all about communication; finding ways to make it clear what you like, to entice her to try things – or, more importantly, to try more (and not scare her off =). i don't necessarily mean verbal communication (not my strong suit). i much prefer physical cues, which i feel can be much more nuanced and less awkward.

By: Axe

Axe — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 07:30:18 +0000

Thank you for this post. I've never really put two and two together before.

Sometimes I've been told that I'm "too submissive". Many seem to like a challenge and now I'm thinking that my being eager to get on my knees may be the issue there. Perhaps putting up some resistance will do the trick in those situations.

It was wonderful talking to you by the way. Your episode will be up next week!:)

By: Vintage_Femme

Vintage_Femme — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 22:40:28 +0000

I can only comment on my experiences and give thoughts formed from them, but the following seem to give the doms/ tops I’ve been with the hint to take control and to ‘dominate more’:

-sarcasm in response to their physical or verbal demands at various points in the ‘session’
- teasing them, almost pushing them into a submissive mind state then laying down a challenge e.g. suddenly stopping, walking off a little and glancing over my shoulder, coming out with a comment which essentially says “now chase me/ take me, if your up to it…”
-roughly pulling her on top of me
- wearing a corset, stockings and giving her the filthest ‘come get me’ look I can muster
-asking her quite directly what she wants to do to me in a sexy, putting her in control and getting her to set the agenda kind of way.

so, yes I think it is about keeping the friction going back and forth -about the bottom giving power to be ‘taken’ away again, but (as with all good sex) its often about very good communication -sex isn’t always like in stories/ films -sometimes you have to have a brief ‘interruption’ to clarify what the other wants before stepping back into the ‘moment/ senario’.

: )