Comments on: Sadism, and the Study of Pain http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/ The sex, gender, and relationship adventures of a kinky queer butch top Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:09:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2009 – Sugarbutch Chronicles http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-10554 Year In Review On Sugarbutch: 2009 – Sugarbutch Chronicles Tue, 19 Jan 2010 17:32:35 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-10554 [...] sexuality, bdsm theory, and domination and submission, and wrote some things I quite like, such as Sadism & the Study of Pain, How do you get a dominant to dominate?, and Yes, No, and [...] [...] sexuality, bdsm theory, and domination and submission, and wrote some things I quite like, such as Sadism & the Study of Pain, How do you get a dominant to dominate?, and Yes, No, and [...]

]]> By: Goose http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7376 Goose Mon, 11 May 2009 22:09:49 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7376 I love this post and agree. Dark emotions, messy stuff. It can be hard to face, but when you find that one who can either top or bottom or just share the space, it is amazing and holy. I love this post and agree. Dark emotions, messy stuff. It can be hard to face, but when you find that one who can either top or bottom or just share the space, it is amazing and holy.

]]> By: undercover punk http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7371 undercover punk Mon, 11 May 2009 17:31:26 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7371 In terms of the interpersonal and deep emotional connections, how would you compare sadism with simultaneous orgasm? I'm a big fan of the latter. In terms of the interpersonal and deep emotional connections, how would you compare sadism with simultaneous orgasm? I'm a big fan of the latter.

]]> By: Gold http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7360 Gold Sun, 10 May 2009 02:12:57 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7360 Where would masochists be without sadists? The first and only time I have ever had an orgasm bring me to tears was during a bdsm session. My back and wrists stung, and her hands were clenched around my neck-- I specifically remember feeling her thumbs pushing into my throat, choking me. I've never melted so completely. I love my current partner, but she is absolutely vanilla. At first I thought I could 'turn' her, but her sexuality is not aligned that way. She will indulge me, but she lacks the understanding that creates the sort of connection I need, so I've stopped asking her. I have a pretty deep anxiety problem that masochism used to provide relief for; among other feelings, I simply miss that relief. I'm glad you're aren't ashamed to be a sadist, there are too few of you out there as it is. Where would masochists be without sadists?

The first and only time I have ever had an orgasm bring me to tears was during a bdsm session. My back and wrists stung, and her hands were clenched around my neck– I specifically remember feeling her thumbs pushing into my throat, choking me. I’ve never melted so completely.

I love my current partner, but she is absolutely vanilla. At first I thought I could ‘turn’ her, but her sexuality is not aligned that way. She will indulge me, but she lacks the understanding that creates the sort of connection I need, so I’ve stopped asking her. I have a pretty deep anxiety problem that masochism used to provide relief for; among other feelings, I simply miss that relief.

I’m glad you’re aren’t ashamed to be a sadist, there are too few of you out there as it is.

]]> By: Theresa http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7356 Theresa Sat, 09 May 2009 17:39:21 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7356 I really like this part: "As someone who is deeply interested in dark emotions, the messy stuff, the hard stuff, and personal transformation and self-awareness, this is a tool that I find incredibly useful." This essay in general is fantastic, and in particular I can really relate to the idea of kink being one of many tools I have to help release tough emotions. Before I discovered my interest in BDSM, I believe I did this by kicking my ass hiking up mountains. I recently did a photo shoot in the Redwoods and remembered how much I missed playing with nature as a tool to release energy. It's all about balance, and I needed to be reminded of that lately. I really like this part:

"As someone who is deeply interested in dark emotions, the messy stuff, the hard stuff, and personal transformation and self-awareness, this is a tool that I find incredibly useful."

This essay in general is fantastic, and in particular I can really relate to the idea of kink being one of many tools I have to help release tough emotions. Before I discovered my interest in BDSM, I believe I did this by kicking my ass hiking up mountains. I recently did a photo shoot in the Redwoods and remembered how much I missed playing with nature as a tool to release energy.

It's all about balance, and I needed to be reminded of that lately.

]]> By: Birdie http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7345 Birdie Thu, 07 May 2009 18:16:29 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7345 Thank you so much for writing this (and many of your other pieces). I love sex and power play that is visionary -- takes one into other inner and outer universes, and for me pain is a wonderful tool to get there. I loved your description of the BE workshop where you realized that you were turned on by the other participant's tears and release. I need to re-read it and think about it. I have always been comfortable with my masochism, but until recently, have found my sadism much more frightening. Please, please write more about how this process evolves for you. Thank you so much for writing this (and many of your other pieces). I love sex and power play that is visionary — takes one into other inner and outer universes, and for me pain is a wonderful tool to get there.

I loved your description of the BE workshop where you realized that you were turned on by the other participant's tears and release. I need to re-read it and think about it. I have always been comfortable with my masochism, but until recently, have found my sadism much more frightening.

Please, please write more about how this process evolves for you.

]]> By: DeviantDyke http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7344 DeviantDyke Thu, 07 May 2009 16:38:12 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7344 ~~~And one of the ways that BDSM and power play and pain play taps into that is through acknowledgment and, ultimately, release – which is why we can feel renewed, refreshed, energized after a deep scene. ~~~~ Yes. I've always said that with kink, you can't hide. You can't hide from your fears or from who you are. Genearally your thrown in (so to say) and the scene is set up to face those fears and release them. Even when it's as simple as admitting you liked it. That sense of release is one of the reason why I'm in to kink. I've had times when I've asked to be pushed past my limit because I need to to bawl my eyes out. I just moved though the guilt to what I needed with as little judgement as I could draw on it. I love how you described this.... ~~~And one of the ways that BDSM and power play and pain play taps into that is through acknowledgment and, ultimately, release – which is why we can feel renewed, refreshed, energized after a deep scene. ~~~~

Yes. I've always said that with kink, you can't hide. You can't hide from your fears or from who you are. Genearally your thrown in (so to say) and the scene is set up to face those fears and release them. Even when it's as simple as admitting you liked it.

That sense of release is one of the reason why I'm in to kink. I've had times when I've asked to be pushed past my limit because I need to to bawl my eyes out. I just moved though the guilt to what I needed with as little judgement as I could draw on it.

I love how you described this….

]]> By: freedomgirl http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7341 freedomgirl Thu, 07 May 2009 15:36:27 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7341 wow, thanks for answering my question! i'm drawn to the idea of using/receiving pain to release difficult emotions, yet feel unsure about how far i want to go with experimenting with it right now. i think it's really valuable that you put that much thought and caring into it. and while i feel sad that the experience of difficult feelings around our bodies and sexualities is so universal, i think it's vital that we try to sort them out as best we can. wow, thanks for answering my question! i'm drawn to the idea of using/receiving pain to release difficult emotions, yet feel unsure about how far i want to go with experimenting with it right now. i think it's really valuable that you put that much thought and caring into it. and while i feel sad that the experience of difficult feelings around our bodies and sexualities is so universal, i think it's vital that we try to sort them out as best we can.

]]> By: the femme top http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7340 the femme top Thu, 07 May 2009 15:27:05 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7340 Great post! Have you ever had the opportunity to take a course of the anthropology of pain? I took one during my undergraduate studies. Think you'd really enjoy it. Great post!

Have you ever had the opportunity to take a course of the anthropology of pain? I took one during my undergraduate studies. Think you'd really enjoy it.

]]> By: Miss Ida http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/05/sadism-and-the-study-of-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-7339 Miss Ida Thu, 07 May 2009 14:35:13 +0000 http://www.sugarbutch.net/?p=3247#comment-7339 Very well worded. As a femme on the other side of this let me say how amazing it is when you enter into that kind of mutual play and someone 'holds that space around you' and both causes and allows you that pain/pleasure. Knowing that you both will come back, smiling and more whole. Thanks for sharing. Very well worded.

As a femme on the other side of this let me say how amazing it is when you enter into that kind of mutual play and someone 'holds that space around you' and both causes and allows you that pain/pleasure. Knowing that you both will come back, smiling and more whole.

Thanks for sharing.

]]>