but that's not what I was trying to explore here – I don't want to skip over it, that's all totally valid to me and what you said was articulated very well, you made some great points, pretty much totally agree. what I wanted to open up were the ways that this gendered physical power dynamic gets replayed in butch/femme relationships in ways that are validating and important, not just the ways that it is a problem.

and through my gendered relationships with butch women, i've had to fight to keep a positive appreciation for my strength–almost more than in my relationships with boys. my partner is strong, too, but she knows that when i submit, it's because i want to, not because she can totally physically overwhelm me. i'm proud to be femme-y and sexy, and to have enough muscle to allow me to do multiple pull-ups.

i realize how powerful it must be for butches to be recognized as physically strong, since they also grew up in this culture as girls. for butch women, embracing physical strength is transgressive. for femme women, being perceived as beautiful–when it is seen in opposition to being strong–is just another iteration of tired old cultural norms.

don't get me wrong: i love it when my girlfriend tells me i'm beautiful. but we both know that being beautiful doesn't preclude being strong. i don't think we have to be one without the other; i don't think one of us has to be one, and one the other.

anyway, i hope this comment wasn't too contrary. congrats on the lezzy awards!

These sources of physical power compliment each other so well. It's an exchange of giving and receiving. Beauty is supported by and inspires strength. Strength is nourished by and cherishes beauty. We enjoy the interplay of masculine and feminine energies no matter how it manifests, because it's symbiotic.

God your writing makes me think and moves me in so many ways! Good luck with the Lezzy's!

I take pride in my femme appearance in all its varying aspects of beauty, but to me, that's the physical manifestation of what makes me "strong." Willing to be different, to flaunt norms and conventions, that all takes a strength and intention that is just obvious (to me, at least).

this post made me think of the best nickname a girl has ever given me. i was in college, and to be honest, we didn't really know each other. we had mutual friends, but we more or less knew each other through the camaraderie that comes with being scholarship athletes. everytime she saw me me she said, "hey stud" with the biggest of smiles. i don't think she was gay, and i'm really not sure what she thought of me, but oh man….i fuckin LOVED hearing that!

it really is something special when your physical prowess is acknowleged by a beautiful femme…

I for one know that I get off on amplifing the extremities of butch ond femme.

I am a femme and I LOVE being told I am beautiful, sexy, and attractive in the many ways such handsome bois know how to convey. I know I am "strong" but the place I'm working from is all about beauty and using that beauty to create my life. There is so much power a femme can convey in something as slight as a smile. Or the way she can stop traffic in the middle of an intersection just by walking across with her heeled soles and solid curves.

mm…I love being femme.

Oh and I love talking up bois and butches in just the right way. Stroking the ego eagerly.

I'm so happy that you have someone in your life who seems to give you some much needed calm to match the hottness you crave-she sounds like a dream. :)