I have to ask you guys – and if this feels like too combative of a thing to talk about publicly, I am okay with talking about it privately via email too – but I can't for the life of me understand how, of all places, among all people, I am getting things like how there was something indefensible about the way I did business? I did what I wanted to do. The only poor business model part of it is that, as I would guess any sex worker knows, you can't make a great living doing *only* what you want to do with men for money. You have to be willing to do things you're either not that into or outright could do the fuck without. For a while what I felt like doing coincided with enough people wanting to pay me for it that I could support myself via sessions alone. After six years, not so much anymore, and partly because my tolerance for doing anything I didn't really enjoy went way down.

It's my impression that some pro kinksters or even non-pro perverts disapprove of what I did because I don't have the same boundaries many people have between fucking and being tied up, spanked, etc. Or, to put it more succinctly, I don't have the same reluctance to fuck people I want to fuck, regardless of context, that some kinky people do, in and out of the professional realm.

And for me, there is no such thing as "deeper bottoming techniques and consciousness." To me, that's like saying there is something like a "deeper heterosexual female technique and consciousness." My sex drive and urges and the ways I choose to act on them are simply that – they do not make me some specific breed of person, "a submissive." I get that many kinky people disagree – that there is this idea of "the submissive mindset" or experience or whatever. I wrote my book in part because of other people like me, women specifically, who feel and have always felt alienated by that idea of having to fit into a role, having to strive to meet other people's definitions of who I am because of what gets me off.

You're right that it's a fairly fluffy book – I sold my soul to the (ironically non-paying!) publishing devil just to get published, and edited out most of everything they considered "too dark or heavy." But it's not accurate to say that I was ever too timid or ignorant to seek the kinky sexual encounters I wanted recreationally, let alone by the time I started doing pro sessions. My difficulty was in finding tops who didn't get the fuck on my nerves, and being tired of sucking cocks I didn't want to suck just to get someone to spank me already. Hard to sell the whole "I want you to do things that make me come but I'm not attracted enough to you to want to touch *you* at all" motif when you're seeing people in your personal life. Hurts people's feelings, naturally. Professionally, "I don't do that" is taken at face value. "I *will* do that with you even though I don't with anyone else" is, as a result, a much freer choice. In so much as anything in the context of sex and money can truly be described as free.