Comments on: Define: Identity Alignment Assumptions

By: Femme Invisibility & Beyond : Sugarbutch Chronicles

Femme Invisibility & Beyond : Sugarbutch Chronicles — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 18:28:31 +0000

[...] restrictions that keep us oppressed and marginalized and compartmentalized (for example, break our identity alignment assumptions and separate gender roles from our hobbies, interests, and personality traits), we can come to some [...]

By: Robin

Robin — Wed, 04 May 2011 12:28:18 +0000

Assumptions are based on stereotypes, which isn’t always a bad thing. It’s a basic communal instinct to want to create a portrait of the humans around us to see where we fit. The key is to keep an open mind that the assumption may not be true and to be willing to accept variations. It’s really not possible to uncondition oneself so you have no expectations about other humans.

By: “On Dichotomies that (No Longer) Jail Me” and More From KinkForAll Providence – Sugarbutch Chronicles

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:51:06 +0000

[...] goes on to explain what I’ve called identity alignment assumptions, though in a much more illustrative and specific way than I ever did in that post. Dichotomies can [...]

By: Kate M.

Kate M. — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:52:33 +0000

the assumption that because I identify as butch I am only interested in sweet femme bottoms.

By: What happened in December - Sugarbutch Chronicles

What happened in December - Sugarbutch Chronicles — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:41:40 +0000

[...] I like to explore the definitions of words and terms in butch/femme subculture, and this month I wrote about butch in the streets, femme in the sheets, courtly, and identity alignment assumptions. [...]

By: Define: “butch in the streets, femme in the sheets” - Sugarbutch Chronicles

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 16:13:40 +0000

[...] is operating on an identity alignment assumption: that butches are [...]

By: Fluence

Fluence — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 08:14:45 +0000

Well there's so many, where to start? I think the main thing I'd like to take issue with is the constant assumption that you must be one thing or another. I'm bi, switch and can be butch or femme as the mood takes me. People tend to see me how I seemed when they first got to know me and feel betrayed, as if I was hiding something, when they see me in a different light.

So is my dominant, butch everyday side hiding my sexual submissiveness? Well, no, they're both me, and the idea of a 'sub' being just one thing whoever identifies with that term is also ridiculous. There are seductive, femme fatale subs; feisty "I'll fight you tooth and claw," subs; and robotic, blank, "Treat me like an object" subs – and those are just a selection of ways I"VE played, let alone other people's infinitely variable interpretations.

Long live fluidity.

By: AMM

AMM — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:18:44 +0000

I've run into a fair number of gender identity assumption clashes in my life. In most cases, I haven't internalized the assumptions, so I just laugh when I run into them, but some I realize I have internalized, so they are a problem for me.

My main personal identity issue comes from the fact that I'm male, consider myself male, but like "feminine" clothes, like skirts and dresses and, when I don't feel too ridiculous doing so, the frilly feminine kind. On the other hand, I have no interest in a sex change or the usual "orthodox crossdressing" thing of trying to pass as a woman — I'm rather attached to my beard, I'm balding and have a bit of a pot-belly, so I wouldn't be able to do so, anyway. I've taken to wearing skirts a lot in my free time (at work and with family I still dress to "pass"), but am still coming to terms with it.

Some areas where I don't see any gender identity incongruity but others do (or did): my doing "housewifely" things like cooking and sewing and, if necessary, cleaning, but also being a "techie" (computer programmer, carpenter, electrician, etc.) Or the fact that I hate the sort of dominance games most men seem to have to do ("feminine") and am a pacifist, yet can be pretty aggressive about my work and used to do martial arts ("masculine".)

I'm also not aggressive (or even particularly assertive) in my relations with women,

but am definitely straight. I've run into a number of women who think I'm gay because I don't make passes at them.

By: Allie

Allie — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:52:49 +0000

I’m thinking a lot about this topic lately. Maybe the main identity alignment assumption is that I’m straight because I’m with a cis-man.

By: bzzzzgrrrl

bzzzzgrrrl — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:05:57 +0000

I think these assumptions are what's behind gaydar, which we all joke about, but also rely on. I moved about a year ago from Washington, D.C., to rural New England, and have been very surprised to find that my formerly excellent gaydar (which is based in so many, and such subtle, assumptions I couldn't possibly identify them all) is useless up here– particularly with men. About a third of the men I meet in what should be very rugged country seem gay by my old standards, and really, very few of them are. I have gotten better about not making assumptions, but am still frequently surprised to hear about men's wives.

Some of other people's assumptions about me that I have to challenge (or deal with what it means to not challenge) frequently:

Queer=not religious (or antireligious)

Queer=gay

Bi=nonmonogamous

Feminine=straight

Nurturing=maternal

Christian=judgmental asshole