Comments on: upon returning, a small complaint

By: On being a (gender) freak in New York City

On being a (gender) freak in New York City — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:16:19 +0000

[...] October 8th, 2008 · No Comments I am not noticed much in New York City. My recent trip to Washington State’s Olympic Penninsula reminded me of this and I’ve been more observant of it ever [...]

By: To End Sexism, We May Need More Gender, Not Less « Our Descent Into Madness

To End Sexism, We May Need More Gender, Not Less « Our Descent Into Madness — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:52:06 +0000

[...] I’m talking about here. I’m a lesbian, the kind people can spot, and, as a I recently explained here (and do read that post; it’s very much relevant to this one), I sometimes feel like I’m [...]

By: A Just Gender Culture, Or, To End Sexism, We May Need More Gender, Not Less | Revolutionary Act

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:35:01 +0000

By: Wendy Blackheart

Wendy Blackheart — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:22:39 +0000

I don't think we realize it sometimes, but we live in a wonderful little bubble in NYC, in our sex/kink/genderqueer groups, and for the most part, the city as a whole doesn't give us another look. But going back to the family…I was just with my family today, and I had that moment, sitting with my cousins, where I was reminded that I am not the norm, and that I'm the 'weird' one. It was kind of uncomfortable.

By: genderkid

genderkid — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 16:31:49 +0000

"I’ve been thinking a lot lately (…) about the extent to which gender is social"

So true. My country is very gender-traditional; so while I do love the women/lesbian community, I'm going to have to transition in order to be treated as the male person I am.

Maybe, in another society, I would be happy with my female body and name; as it is, even though I'm sooo obviously queer/male, I'm treated the same way as feminine women.

Maybe, in another language (like English), I would be happy with neutral words like kid and child and parent; Spanish has only male and female words.

I love reading these blogs about non-normative genders; I wish my real world were like that. I'm trying to get over the wishful thinking, though, because I have to find out how to navigate the gender system around me.

By: Bender

Bender — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:19:32 +0000

I'm not butch, but even being androgynous I totally get you about 'lady' and 'girl'. They just don't fit.

It's great you've found some language that works for you. 'Guy' is a good one — it sounds sort of solid and tough and strong. And it's always nice to reclaim one more hetero term for the team.

I'm still searching for words — for nouns, in particular — that can accurately represent who I am, or at least not contradict it.

By: Jacket's girl

Jacket's girl — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:16:11 +0000

The Olympic Peninsula!? Sinclair, if only we had known! We live on the Peninsula (in Port Angeles) and would have been so happy to share some gender-queer space with you for a moment. It gets lonely out here sometimes. Also,we just threw a kick-ass wedding in Sequim with hot dykes of all stripes in attendance. Too bad you weren't here a few weeks ago. Give us a shout next time.

By: KyleStyle

KyleStyle — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:05:05 +0000

It definitely depends on where you are on the Left Coast, as Elizabeth points out. Almost anywhere on the I5 corridor (except maybe for Lewis County), you can be comfortably out and queer and you probably won't be the most outlandish individual around.

My GF and I were out on Long Beach Peninsula, where we behaved as we do anywhere else – visibly queer. We didn't get nearly the attention I thought we would and no one hustled their children across the street when we approached.

But, yeah, when you get away from the more urban areas, being queer is definitely more of an attention getter and when you're with family, it's harder to have the 'fuck off' attitude as a protective shield.

[I definitely didn't mean to imply that it was an east coast / west coast issue -- it was a small town / big city issue, and New York happens to be the big city I was coming back to. I lived in Seattle for quite a while and it is definitely, in many ways, way more visibly queer than New York. Mostly, the trip was fine - I wasn't threatened and I didn't pay much attention to the locals who were staring, but every once in a while something caught me off guard, or I would go hang at my uncle's house and realize how on edge I'd been to be out on the town all day. It takes a lot of effort to do this gender work! I'm grateful it's such a non-issue where I live and work. - ss]

By: Erica Stratton

Erica Stratton — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:38:03 +0000

"pink button down, black argyle vest"

I kind wanna see a picture of this so I can see how it would work.

I know what you mean about the words not fitting who you are. I'm not butch, I'm not femme (bi? queer?). The majority of "girly" things feel awkward or silly to me–but I never get the urge to dress like a boy, either. I've done strange things at family functions like ask a boy if I can get him a drink and confused my mother dreadfully when I told her I thought of myself as "neutral". I wonder if there's a word for this?

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 11:22:56 +0000

Writing from the Left Coast I have to say, "Wait a second! Weren't you in Seattle?" Seattle is chock-full of queers. As is my home town, Portland. Maybe the stares weren't because you were so gay but because you weren't wearing flannel… :-)

[I was in Seattle for about a day visiting friends - I lived there for about six years - but went over to the Olympic Penninsula where my parents grew up for the family wedding stuff. Definitely a very different feel over there. Seattle is SO gay, I am struck by that every time I go back to visit. Amazing how visibly queer everyone is. - ss]