accessing the protected posts

So the former password protection post is spilling over with requests. With the intention of me not missing requests for access to the password protected posts, this is the new post where you leave a comment.

It would be best if you left your website, too, even if it’s your myspace or facebook address, as I’d like to know you’re a real person. You can email that to me if you’d rather it not be published publically. It’s not a requirement, if you don’t have one, but I’d appreciate it, as these are very personal writings.

About the password protected posts:

They are primarily my personal journal entries: reflections on my relationships, and my real life sex stories. Sugarbutch started so that I could have a place to reflect on my relationship difficulties, which included the problems with my relationship with my ex where I wanted to be more butch (and wanted her to be more femme) but felt unsupported to explore that, and the problems we were having with sex, which was that we were having none. It evolved into a place where I processed my relationship with another girl that I immediately got involved with, and when that relationship ended spectacularly awfully, it has been chronicling my evolution back to myself, my committment to myself, my “aspiring stud”-ness in trying to get laid, and trying to get my shit together such that I can enter into a healthy, stable, positive, committed relationship again.

Meanwhile, though, it has been lots of gender theory. Lots. And some smut stories. Which are also fun.

And as I’ve gained a larger and larger readership, the personal stuff is entirely too exposed, so they have gone under password protection. I still want a place to write about my relationship evolutions, and I still love having writing and blogging as a medium to explore my own sense of self, so I tend to write a few of these a month.

So, if you’d like to read the personal posts, leave a comment at the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.


Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ​Their short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself. Follow all their personal writings and all the updates through

270 thoughts on “accessing the protected posts”

  1. riese says:

    password! i want password!

  2. Tieara says:

    I would love to have access to the protected posts. I only found your site a few months ago and fell in love your writings. I totally get it. (a real hello the the soul of me) It's great to read something that I get and in some odd way…..gets me.

    Just in case…

  3. Rachel W says:

    Hey Sinclair. Love reading your blog, and would love to have access to the protected posts. Found your site first through my friend Miriam at Feministing. No blog or website of my own to share, but if that changes I'll let you know. Peace.

  4. milwaukeefemme says:

    who wouldn't want to read the password protected stuff? it's so exciting to have the chance to read something private. very sexy.

  5. N says:

    Hey darling..would love to read your protected posts….here is my blog if you haven't checked it out already,

    It's really because I want to see that outtake of the calendar party you so prematurely posted on Twitter…giggles

  6. kacee says:

    i love your blog… and your philosophies are quiet intresting to those of us that are younger. I would love to read more

  7. Sam Brennan says:

    That's my work site but I also have a facebook page as well which you can find by searching. Love the blog! Thanks for sharing.

  8. Meghan says:

    Hey, I just found you through Waking Vixen and would love to read more. (I hope I did the facebook thing right…)

  9. Lilly says:

    Well, I think you know I would like to read more….

  10. Sid says:

    I would love to read more…pretty, pretty, please. I promise I'll be good.

  11. Jessica says:

    Ok, I think I may have a little writer-crush on you! ;) Your words leave me wanting more…can I please have the password? Thanks for the stimulating entries.

  12. M.E. Parker says:

    I would like to read the protected pieces.

    I have no website, but I'm happy to send a personal check.

    Teacher's salary, so anything over $20 would be prohibitive.


  13. Hanna says:

    Your blog gives me hope of a way to be one day. Love the blog, would love to read all the posts. Get back to me when you can. Thanks!

  14. Taylor says:

    I would love to read more of your work.



  15. Roxy Redd says:


    Enjoying your site and your posts. As of yet, I have no website of my own, but am eager to read more of your posts should you see fit to grant me the password. I’m a butch/FTM/GQ-lovin’ queer poly LeatherFemme Switch sex educator/writer, most recently published in the anthology, “Focus on the Fabulous: Colorado GLBT Voices,” under my birth name, Debra A. Myers.

    Merci Beaucoup,


  16. Suse says:

    I'm a total sugarbutch addict. I don't have facebook anymore, cos I work at a University, and I'm a little wary about separating work-life from personal-life…

    <!– But in the spirit of the reciprocal disclosure of intimate affairs between strangers, here's something raw and personal (and warning: rude) from my screen to yours…

    The last first time.

    June 23, 2007. Toronto

    We are flushed limbs, ragged breath

    A tangle-blur of urgency and twisted sheets

    Interminable months of yearning

    crammed greedily into RIGHT NOW

    Cervix deep I can feel your heart beating

    The whorl of my finger tips throbbing with you

    You are molten velvet against my palm

    Your jaggedy tooth grazing my lips

    And then she arches left

    reaching for gleaming new leather

    My breath catches in my throat

    "Have you used this before?"

    "No. I've never had it used it on me"

    And she demonstrates with nimble fingers

    How to truss her limbs akimbo

    And how best to fuck her

    It is only afterwards that I think to ask:

    "Have you used it on someone else?"

    The first last time:

    August 11, New York

    "Come down here –

    I like it when you're close to me".

    I shift forward with a smile,

    bringing my breasts to rest on hers,

    my nipples brushing against cool metal

    as I lean in to kiss her.

    Everything slows. . .

    The air grows heavy

    and humid with desire:

    Butterfly wings, beating.

    And then she says

    (from her director's chair)

    "Why aren't you moving your hips?"


    I feel myself shrinking.

    The room rushes in.

    And I freeze:

    Emasculated, vulnerable, small.

    The molten certainty of desire

    now ashen-ember-dust

    shimmering briefly in the light

    now gone.

    III. The last time:

    August 15. Toronto

    And now she says

    "I love you".

    And she fucks me

    on the side of the bath.

    And when I come

    I cry and I stay

    wrapped around her.

    And then her fingers curl round Blue

    and she says

    "We can do it like this."

    And then she fucks herself

    (because, she says, this is not something I can do for her any longer)

    I am on my knees in the tub

    and the water's getting cold

    and it feels like she's already gone.

    So I say, "I'll try anything once"

    and I hold her gaze

    and I take Blue in my mouth

    latex bruising the back of my throat

    And she says, after

    all husky honey dust

    "It was like you were fucking me with your mouth."

    And I wonder whether this is a compliment or an accusation.


  17. sharon says:

    I've been reading your blog for over a year and would love to get more insight ……. keep up the great work!! If you need more info from me just let me know…. I don't have a blog or website …….. I look foward to getting the password………… Thanks Again Sharon

  18. goodbadgirl says:

    Your writing is so remarkably intimate already. I am curious about your password protected posts, and I feel a little like a dirty trick in asking for it.

    I write about many similar things. I like your courage and your style and I would be happy to send links to my own published poems and stories to make this whole thing a little less one-sided.

    Sometimes I love it and sometimes it turns me on ferociously and sometimes I hate it. I think you're really onto something here kid. :)

    Keep it up,


  19. Kat says:

    I would love to read more of you.

    thank you.

  20. Jo says:

    I suppose it's silly – how long I've spent trying to get this message to sound just right.

    You're an inspiration. My favourite blogger. My best teacher.

    I would love to read more.


  21. Cravatica says:

    I would love to have access to the protected posts. As a femme bisexual woman, butch women are who I am mostly attracted to. I so enjoy reading about the butch/femme dynamic and learning about your perspective on gender and sexuality. I especially enjoyed the post about butch/femme vs. top/bottom and how one does not necessarily equal the other.

    Keep up the hot writing! And thank you so much for sharing it with us. (my website is included above, although the viewable posts are old, I have been "locking" my recent posts to keep some aspect of privacy.)

  22. nanc says:

    i'm a fan of yours on your facebook. would love to read more of your stuff. i am a butch dyke who is very into femme women, and who couldn't stand to learn more?? please send me your password

    nanc m

  23. Expat Femme says:

    An old lover pointed me in your direction. I like what I've seen, and with your permission, would like to see more.

    Kindest regards…

  24. Feline says:

    I absolutely love this site, such a lovely mix, such thoughtful writing, filthy smut, butch eye candy – what more could a girl want – except for even more of it of course! Could I please have access to the password protected posts? (I realise you don't know me at all and am happy to answer any questions about myself you may have, I'm going to email you my facebook and other personal pages right now as I prefer not to make them public)

    thank you so much for your writing, it is very much appreciated!


  25. kk first says:

    I have no idea how I got linked to your site by reading an article about relationship from msn. Anyway, I am so inspired by the stories you wrote and would definitely like to read more of your writings. I have also used some of the terms I learned from your writings while texting my girlfriend and that does cheer her up a lot on a busy working day(I didn't quote the messages and i hope this does not count as plagiarism). BTW, I'm from Hong Kong. You do have fans from around the world.

  26. lizzy says:

    Hi there-Got to your site through a link on Lesbian Dad's blog. Would love to be able to read the protected posts if you wouldn't mind….Thanks so much!

  27. EarthGirl says:

    I can't remember how I found your blog, but have been an infrequent reader for a while now. I'm always impressed with your thought processes and honesty. I would like to read some of the password-protected posts.

    Your writing is indeed appreciated, as are your contributions to my own internal reflections.


  28. Elena says:

    I don't have a website, but I've been readign your blogs for a few months now and I'd really love to read the "protected" ones. =]

  29. tessa says:

    hi sinclair,

    i've been reading your current writing for a few months and would love to be able to read more of your archived posts. as someone who has a major in feminist studies, it's doubly sweet to see the theory undergirding the pleasure and vice versa. thanks for your writing,


  30. Sandra says:

    would love to read more of your writing.

    thank you

  31. Annie says:

    Hi, Learning a lot from what Ive read! Would really be great to be able to read all all you write about.

    Phew! Cant imagine it could get BETTER! Thanks!

  32. Julie H says:

    love love love the way you write and am itchin' to read more. i'm a real person. search my email addy on facebook and add me why don't 'ya?

  33. Secret City Girl says:

    Like all the others who have commented before me, I really like your writing. Please let me in on the magic word?


  34. Delicate Torture says:

    HI Sinclair,

    I've just started reading your blog and am fascinated with the way that you write – there is such an almost visceral feel to your observations which I am greatly enjoying. I've been writing for a long time but am still trying to find my real voice.

    I came across your blog in a similar fashion – trying to find the 'real voice' of my sexuality. As much as I try to rail against labels, they do give us something to start from when trying to understand ourselves and get to know others. I'm gay. I have a long held interest in BDSM and Dominance and submission. I used to be a Domme, but always topped men and had 'vanilla but playful' relationships with women. Over the last few years I have discovered a have much more of an interest in bottoming. I'm in a relationship (currently 7 years and still wonderfully delightful) with a bi woman who is also interested in Dominance and submission. We decided on having an open relationship within a certain set of rules and so far it has worked for us… although now we find ourselves in a new position as I am now bottoming for her (male) Dom.

    Do you need a flowchart yet?

    But even though it seems so convoluted and I'm sure that there are people reading this who are just sighing because they think that I'm falling into the trap of a somewhat socially 'acceptable' relationship (Male, at the head of the relationship with a female bottom… even if there is another female in there with it all) it is SO totally working for us.

    I've started to realise through reading your blog and really thinking about it all, that it is other people's perceptions of the relationships I have that I'm trying to answer, and not my own questions. I'm happy to float along for the ride in a threesome that is surprisingly functional (in spite of the mess the flow chart might seem – lol) because I don't think that adding more love to something can ever really be a mistake. No matter what flavour that love comes in.

    So, thank you for helping me understand more about the way my bizarre life is working out, and helping me to enjoy it more through that understanding.

    The next time my girlfriend (who comes from Brooklyn, but now lives with me in Australia) and I go to the US to visit family, I would love to buy you a beer. You're brilliant!


  35. Clair says:

    I'm femme, love your writing, and really *really* need more…

  36. runningawaywiththesp says:

    I would like to request access to your protected posts. I understand why you chose to limit access, so appreciate your consideration of my request. Thank you.

  37. Rachel says:

    i’ve been reading your site for a couple of months. I’m a gender studies geek, a tomboy that never really grew into another role and an admirer of butch women. Every time I come here I seem to learn a little more about myself and the women I love, so I thank you for that.
    Oh, and My Father’s Son did things to me I haven’t begun to explain yet. It’s beautiful.
    But yes, I’m grateful to read anything you’ll let me look at.

  38. malloreigh says:

    Hey… I'd really love to read your password-protected posts. I feel strange asking because I don't know you, but I assume that most of these people don't. Anyway. I am real. I also have a MySpace that I don't really use:

  39. Ramsey says:

    I would love to be able to read more. Thanks

  40. Jennie says:

    i’ve enjoyed reading your posts and I would like to be able to read the protected ones if that’s ok. :)

  41. Zai says:

    Password, please :D Your posts are phenomenal.

  42. DolphynGyrl says:

    Me, please.

    Thank you. :)

  43. Christina says:

    I'm femme and love your writing – would love to read your private, password protected thoughts also :-)

    Am on myspace as melb_femme

  44. Caitlin says:

    Hi Sinclair,

    I have been reading your blog for a few months and really enjoy it. I am discovering all of the great femme blogs out there and was happy to add a butch blog to the my daily reading.

    I am also being published in teh Femmethology next year (in fact, I think we are in the same volume.) My personal myspace page is here: and my public one for burlesque is here:

    Let me know if you want any more info and thanks for the good reading!


  45. FlitterAway says:

    Hey! Just started reading… I'm loving everything I'm reading! Please include me too!!!

  46. Heather Spaulding says:

    a past "Daddy" of mine turned me onto Your site….i love it…i no longer have Her, but would love to have access to read more. may i please have access to the rest of Your site?

    thank You.

  47. Marian says:

    Hi, I'm a real person. I'd like to read the protected posts. I'm a

    femme, and very interested in questions of gender identity.


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