accessing the protected posts

So the former password protection post is spilling over with requests. With the intention of me not missing requests for access to the password protected posts, this is the new post where you leave a comment.

It would be best if you left your website, too, even if it’s your myspace or facebook address, as I’d like to know you’re a real person. You can email that to me if you’d rather it not be published publically. It’s not a requirement, if you don’t have one, but I’d appreciate it, as these are very personal writings.

About the password protected posts:

They are primarily my personal journal entries: reflections on my relationships, and my real life sex stories. Sugarbutch started so that I could have a place to reflect on my relationship difficulties, which included the problems with my relationship with my ex where I wanted to be more butch (and wanted her to be more femme) but felt unsupported to explore that, and the problems we were having with sex, which was that we were having none. It evolved into a place where I processed my relationship with another girl that I immediately got involved with, and when that relationship ended spectacularly awfully, it has been chronicling my evolution back to myself, my committment to myself, my “aspiring stud”-ness in trying to get laid, and trying to get my shit together such that I can enter into a healthy, stable, positive, committed relationship again.

Meanwhile, though, it has been lots of gender theory. Lots. And some smut stories. Which are also fun.

And as I’ve gained a larger and larger readership, the personal stuff is entirely too exposed, so they have gone under password protection. I still want a place to write about my relationship evolutions, and I still love having writing and blogging as a medium to explore my own sense of self, so I tend to write a few of these a month.

So, if you’d like to read the personal posts, leave a comment at the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.


Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is "the best-known butch erotica writer whose kinky, groundbreaking stories have turned on countless queer women" (AfterEllen), who "is in all the books, wins all the awards, speaks at all the panels and readings, knows all the stuff, and writes for all the places" (Autostraddle). ‚ÄčTheir short story collection, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica, was a 2016 finalist for the Lambda Literary Award. They identify as a white non-binary butch dominant, a survivor, and an introvert, and use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself. Follow all their personal writings and all the updates through

270 thoughts on “accessing the protected posts”

  1. LC says:

    Hey. I think my blog is linked to my name on this comment, but my myspace is

    Hope everything is well with you. -lc

  2. M says:

    I don't know how the facebook link works, but if you want to friend me, that's cool. I'm a total lurker who's been reading Sugarbutch for a long-ass time and never commented.

    In case I never do again: you rock. I got all my friends hooked on you too.

    Keep on keepin' on.

  3. tansy says:

    Hey, I'd really love to read the password protected posts. If you need more info about my real personness, just ask.

    I'm a new reader but really enjoying your blog.


  4. mayzface says:

    i just started reading your blog a few weeks ago, and i'm hooked. your writing is so honest, it's really helped me process through some confusing stuff lately. I'd love to be able to read the juicy bits as well! my name is mayzie, and i blog at

    thanks, and keep up te good work!

  5. Loaf says:

    I'd love to read your private entries, because I think it might help me process some of the same issues.

  6. littlecastle says:

    i love your blog and would love to read more! thanks!

  7. sarah says:

    i'd like to read! i've been reading for a couple months and your writing about gender has really helped me think about identity and naming.

  8. pantherapardus says:

    I feel a little awkward about doing this, like I'm asking something rude: "Hi, you don't know me, but can I read your diary? Thanks!".

    I will, however, bite the bullet, because I've really enjoyed your writing so far. *grin* I also heard your interview with Ellie, and you were wonderful. :)

    So here's me requesting access to your protected posts, if that's okay with you. The website listed is my (relatively new) blog, and the email listed is valid. :)

  9. Iasa says:

    I recently found your blog, and am really enjoying it. If you are in a generous mood, I'd like to be able to access the private posts as well.

  10. Zofia says:

    I stumbled upon your posts quite by accident, and must say, just the brief time I've been reading, I've so enjoyed them. And learned so much, mainly about myself. It's been an exhilarating and eye-opening journey of revelation. So for that, I thank you, sweetie. And…I'm sorry I missed you when you visited Chicago!

  11. Brook M says:

    I found your blog through a blog roll on one sex-positive blog or another, probably Figleaf's Real Adult Sex ( I've really enjoyed reading your public posts–you pack a lot of thought-provoking (and sexy) punch into each one. If it's okay with you, I'd love to read your protected posts as well.

  12. r says:

    just recently discovered your site – your posts helped me realize i have a pretty intense spanking fetish! thanks from me and my gf..

    definitely don't want to miss out on any future musings.

  13. Lou says:

    *raises hand*

    I started reading a few weeks ago (linked here from Feministing). I've gone through a lot of the archives and I'm hooked. Would love to read more. Thanks.

  14. Joy says:

    I'm on Myspace and Facebook. Not sure how to link to Facebook, but my Myspace is above. I too am a lurker coming out with the personal post invitation request. I'm a femme in relationship with a woman who, while not self-identified as "butch" is definitely more androgynous. I'm also a grad student interested in gender theory among other things.

  15. Dion says:

    I'd like to be able to read them, if you don't mind :)


  16. monstar says:

    Think I linked my facebook in the website bit.

    I've been reading for some months now – since I found Sugarbutch while researching an essay on pegging and strapping-on. I'm a queer, mostly-cis but just a little genderfucked girl, an Australian student doing Arts/Law, majoring in gender and loving gender theory. Makes my head buzz. Just out of a breakup that sent me a little crazy.

    And interested in password-protected posts because you write well and often your posts make me think of things I want to talk about with other genderfreaks. Unless you're feeling nerved out by all the requests and you want to say no. Because that's perfectly OK.


  17. mia says:

    i'd love to read more too. your blog makes this femme feel a little less isolated!

    if that link doesn't work, just search for mia bayes on facebook to find me.

  18. Dyke Tales says:

    I had no idea that access to your protected posts was 'on request', if only I had known sooner (I'm a regular)… :-)

  19. bee listy says:

    i would also like to read more.

    with love from another butch queer…

  20. Aimee says:

    Would love to read more! Thanks!

  21. angelica says:

    already have the password but here's my site just for kicks.

  22. Jane says:

    I love your writing. Right now I'm interested in the qualities of femaleness and malemness. And as always……emotional & sexual interaction. You are a delight to read about all of these.

  23. LP's challenge says:

    I've really enjoyed reading your blog and would like to continue being able to access the protected entries. I really enjoy how some entries make my mind go "hmm…" and others make my body go "mmmm…."

    Keep up the great work!

  24. Alecto says:

    Hi, lurker here, love your public blog and would love to see the rest of it as well.

  25. Ash says:

    OK, tried to link to my facebook in the "website" space above, hope it worked, would love to read the protected posts, I adore your blog!

  26. Honey says:

    I've been reading you for a while. Reading your perspectives on the butch/femme aspects of a person have been greatly influential in my finding a better appreciation for my currently-femme self. I struggled long as hard as I went from a slightly-butch mostly-lesbian reality into a very fluid bisexual reality in which both men and women were a part of my sexual and romantic awareness. I worried for a long time that I had lost something, and suffered a great deal over the loss of support of my local lgbt community (turns out, the B is just there to be polite), but reading your blog prompted a lot of searching in myself, and I like what I've found. So, I'd love to read more- your writing is delightful, perceptive and often quite hot.

  27. The Butterfly Temptr says:

    Ok, so maybe this is a little odd. I have read for a long time, long before I linked to you or followed you on Twitter. So I'm letting you know I'd love to know more, read more about you and your life.

    You are just that amazing.

  28. nimi says:

    i commented on the other page, but decided to leave another one here with my facebook link in the 'website' space.

  29. Andi says:


    I found you through tongue-tied blue's blog. You are both inspiring writers. I have several sites online, but I'm realizing only my facebook is current. You can check out, which is mine and the wife's. If you'd still like to see my facebook, you can do a search for my name (in my email above).

    Thanks for offering this up. It can make for a raw experience when you open yourself up for all eyes.


  30. tec tonik says:

    Hey, long-time lurker & definitely a real person. Definitely enjoy the public stuff, so would no doubt enjoy the protected stuff as well.

  31. Caron says:

    Hey, I'm Caron, I've been lurking here for a while and really enjoy reading your entries. Your blog's opened my eyes quite a bit, so thanks. :) I'd love to read more if that's cool with you. I have profiles at and (I figure you're sharing your personal stuff with me so it's only fair I reciprocate).

  32. WP says:


    I discovered Sugarbutch Chronicles via Feministing. Evidently, I can't get enough. I don't have a website, but please let me know if there's any other way I can verify my identity.

    Thank you, Mr. Sexsmith.

  33. Suzi says:


    I'd love to read your password protected posts if I may.

    Hope you're well


  34. Dana, herself says:

    Hello Mr. Sexsmith! :) I'd quite enjoy to read your protected posts :)

  35. laura luna says:

    I would love to read your protected posts

  36. Renee says:

    I would love to indulge your password-protected awesomeness. Please. With a cherry on top.

  37. becky says:

    If we posted on the previous post, do we post here as well? Because I'd love to stay on the list!

  38. Tammy says:

    would love to read more!

  39. Lana says:

    I would love to read the more intimate posts. I haven't updated the livejournal I linked to in ages, but as I also just exited a relationship and will be doing a lot of musing trying to pull myself back together, perhaps I'll get back into it.

    Thank you for your writing. It has helped me a lot as I tried to make the big decision about staying or leaving.

  40. Shanna says:

    I'd love to view the password protected post.

  41. Jade says:

    Pick me pick me!

    I wanna be on the list, too!

  42. Ryan says:

    Hey, love your writings and the honest way in which you pose them. I'd love to read more juicy details!

    Keep it up. (But we all know that's no problem for you!)

  43. Mich says:

    I'd enjoy reading your protected posts

  44. Jess says:

    New reader here, but love the blog too. Would love to read more.

  45. carrot quinn says:

    Hey, I just found your blog, and it is absolutely blowing my mind. Thanks for writing it. I'm a genderqueer butch who rides freight trains and searches for meaning in this fucked-up world- you can read about it on my blog. And please add me to your list of readers for your protected posts!


  46. JB says:

    would love to read some of your posts!

    Am a real person, although it may be debated that someone not on Facebook or whatever else is a real person in this day and age.

  47. A says:

    Thank you for your fantastic blog. I would ABSOLUTELY love to have access to more of your writing. I’m a new reader, but already a big fan of your work!


  48. Sarah says:

    Hi Sinclair,

    I’d love to read your protected entries, if you don’t mind. I’m a new-ish reader, but am eating up your words. Can’t get enough.

  49. Sublimefemme says:

    Hi Sinclair,

    I’m going to let you decide. If you’d like to share these posts with me and think I’d enjoy them, I’d certainly be interested in reading.
    xo Sf

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