I shave my legs and under my arms, and I also shave my pubic hair into a “landing strip.” At the request of my primary lover, who is mostly cis-male. (Eh, he wears a kilt daily, occassionally does drag, and he is very pansexual, soo…)

I keep the hair on my head long. I pluck my eyebrows into a more “feminine shape.” On my femme partners, I tend to like all these grooming habits as well. Except, I don’t really are if they shave off their pubic hair or keep it shaved into a shape or just neatly trimmed. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of me going down on them, I could care less. I also prefer my biomale partners to keep their pubic hair at least neatly trimmed.

I find silky smooth less on femmes very sexy.

I think the only body hair removal I sexualize is the idea of having my pubic area saved by my partner, because the blade that near my pussy *in somone else’s hand* is a fucking scary idea. It’s sharps play, which I love.

The way I groom myself is for myself, so I feel sexy, for myself. Sometimes I take requests from lovers, but mostly it’s for me.

This morning, I shaved my underarms, my pubes, and my legs. It had been about a week for my underarms and legs. Pubes – three weeks maybe?

Shaving my underarms is a comfort/hygiene/aesthetic issue. I don't find underarm hair attractive. I can tolerate a little underarm hair on others, but I cannot STAND underarm forests, and I hate the way my underarms feel when I'm stubbly. The stubble pokes me.

Shaving my legs is an aesthetic thing, particularly because my lower legs are tattooed, and nothing looks prettier than my tattoos when my legs are freshly shaved and moisturized. However, I only shave the lower legs. My thigh hair is fine and blond, so I don't worry about it. And in the wintertime I tend to let my legs go for weeks, because I'm wearing pants so I don't care.

And honestly? My pubic region is almost completely bare right now. (I say "almost" because there is some stubble; I shave with the grain, because against the grain gives me horrible ingrowns and folliculitis.) And I don't care for it at all. I don't find my bare pubic region, or anyone else's for that matter, attractive. I like hair there. I don't like a FOREST, but a nicely maintained, trimmed hedge is very womanly and attractive.

Oh, and I love arm hair. I have never understood why women get rid of their arm hair. (Although if that is your preference, I'm not knocking it; whatever floats your boat.) It's sensitive, and pretty.

As for hair on the head – I have no preference! Well, as long as it's not hideously trendy and as long as it suits the wearer. For instance, my GF had very long hair at one point, and it was pretty but it didn't suit her. Now she has very short, boy-cut hair, and I ADORE it. As for myself, I go back and forth. Currently I'm growing it out, and it's just about to mid-back level. In the future I will probably chop it all off again. I go through cycles.

Oh, and I wax/tweeze my eyebrows. Nothing extreme, just to enhance their shape and get rid of the strays. My facial hair is fine peach fuzz so I leave it alone, except for when I get one or two dark, coarse chin hairs around my period (yay hormone fluctuations); those I tweeze.

So yes. On women I don't mind leg hair, like trimmed pubes, like bare underarms, don't care about head hair. On men – eh, just don't look like Sasquatch.

I guess I'm easy to please. :)

I shave my legs, because I enjoy the ritual of it, and the shaved legs/ clean sheets thing. I also like the contrast with my butch. Maybe if she shaved hers, i'd grow mine out. I don't shave my pubes because I tried it and a) it looks weird on my body, and b) it itched and gave me ingrown hairs. So I trim it. And, to be fair, that may be part of why i kept on not shaving the armpits after my experimental, super feministy early dyke days- i get rashes there really easily, too.

As for my hair, when i was a newly out dyke, I, too shaved my head. Being a blonde, it was interesting to realize how diferently people treated me when i no longer had my long blonde hair. And how often i heard "you'd be so pretty if only you had hair". AND how i had to re-learn how to look at myself, because I was so used to using my feminine appearance to judge how i looked. It was really good for me to live without that, even though now i'm more feminine than i've ever been before. I wish i could have a shaved head- high femme with shaved head and makeup- yum! But my hair is so light, i looked like a marsupial baby without hair…

Right now it is partly a financial consideratin for me. I've had a choppy angled bob off and on for years. I love my hair long, but becasue it is very soft and fine, though thick, I have to go to a hairdresser to keep it long- otherwise it just hangs there. but when it's short, I can cut it myself. And currently, i'd rather cut my own hair and keep my money for shoes.

I also tweeze the brows, because i, too, like the vintagey 40's movie star look to go with my vintage cothing preference and constantly manicured nails.

As far as butches go, i like all of their hair intact, except what's on top, which i really like short, sharp and classically barber cut. I'm an old school femme that way…

Body hair: I shave armpits, legs, have beautifully plucked eyebrows, and do what I have to to make sure that I don't have any other unwanted facial hair (I'm a big fan of plucking).

As for my pubes, I used to be 100% bald all of the time. I even got full brazilians. I began to give myself brazilians. Believe me, it takes some talent to wax your own asshole, but I did it. Until my girlfriend pointed out all of my ingrown hairs and said "Baby, you don't have to do that anymore." So now I just trim them very closely.

But only when I'm going to see her. We are long-distance, and I see her about once a month. You know I haven't seen her when my pubes are out of control (and when my nails get long and legs get sort of unkempt). Cutting my nails, shaving my legs, and trimming my pubes are three rituals I engage in with great deliberation and expectation right before a visit.

I have been thinking about the body hair issue and yes, it does seem that there is pressure to being a hair-less femme from the neck down. I really don't like that, but at the same time it's hard to articulate what to do about it when you (I) would generally go along with it anyway…ugh. Terrible.

As far as the hair on my head, here's what I wrote in another blogger's comments:

Femme with afro right here!! I usually get really lost in discussions about femmes hair being “long” and butch hair being “short”…and I think….these people aren’t Black are they? (Teasing!) It’s[...]complicated.

…So I’ll just speak my truth. I love my hair, though it can be trying. It’s cottony, soft and isn’t going to hang around my face; it’s more of a halo that frames my makeup, haha. I used to covet long hair, eurocentric beauty standards really cut me. It’s interesting when I see others write about femmes must/should have long hair…it’s not just a “gender” stereotype or what-have-you, but a eurocentric point of view as well. People never really seem to get past the “gender” analysis though…

but then there's my girl, who refers to my hair as "hers," as in, "ooh, i love playing with my hair," which i think is, depending on the situation, cute and/or hot.

i also realized two other reasons i don't shave. one is my laziness combined with my ocd. part of me likes the idea of being "more femme" by shaving my legs, but i know it would drive me mad any time i didn't perfectly keep up with it (and i wouldn't), whereas my leg hair is always groomed.

second, it's protective. the only time between six and sixteen that my hair reached past my chin was briefly in middle school when i discovered that long hair covers up your face when you look down. it was like being able to hide in public; perfect. i still have my days where i feel that way (it's just not all of them anymore =), and on those occasions all of my body hair feels like a sort of protective layer between me and the world. i think i'd miss it terribly if it were gone (being vulnerable in front of my girl is one thing; i don't think i could handle it in front of the world)

When I was younger I had long hair, and then my mother told the hairdresser to cut it short, without telling me. As a result I had awful hair for a few years and felt very unattractive. Now it’s long and is attractive and the way I am treated by people has changed. So, it is nice to feel attractive, although I do wonder what the reaction would be if I had a different hair colour.

I’m not sure I’m explaining this very well. I have a very complicated relationship with my hair really. I don’t like my hair being my defining characteristic for so many people, and since it used to be bad hair it feels transient now, therefore not quite mine. On the other hand I’m finally at a point where I do like my own hair so I don’t mind other people appreciating it as long as that isn’t all they appreciate about me.

When I say that my hair is communally owned, I mean by friends and family, not random people I don’t know. I was being flippant though there is some truth in it – people have very strong ideas on whether it would look better straight or curly for example. Certainly people would think I was crazy if I dyed it, but then I probably would be. Time enough for that when I go white at some early age. I’m not entirely sure that this is different from the reaction my ex got when she dyed her hair from its natural blonde to black. People are used to seeing you in a certain way.

For years the only good thing I heard about my appearance was “your hair is such a beautiful colour”. It embarrassed me and I didn’t know how to react. I’m still never quite sure, and it still doesn’t feel quite like they are complimenting me for some reason. However they are and my hair will remain the thing that people notice about me, so I just have to deal with it and get on with my life.

So, I made the following depilatory decisions (which change often, according to mood and occasion).

Head-hair – I’ve always had long wavy hair, and always loved it. However, I recently went into a chain hairdressers (first mistake), and asked for a rockabilly cut, which would emphasise the curls. They gave me a chin length bob and blow-dired it poker straight. I nearly cried (I hate hairdressers at the best of times, so am far too scared to speak up in the chair – people, learn from this!). However, now it’s curly again, I’m quite keen on it. I even want to try going shorter one day (sticking with the femmey style), but right now, I want to get back to my beautiful comfort zone.

I do shave my legs. I like the feel of smooth legs when a hand is run up them, and I like the way they look in a skirt. I didn’t shave for a couple of months this summer, but that was mostly because I broke my arm and didn’t want to wield a razor with my other arm. I decided that I wasn’t that keen on unshaven legs, but would be quite happy to go there again (out of laziness, if nothing else). Thinking about waxing, just to cut down on maintenance.
I do trim my ladygarden – keeping it at a reasonable length is (for me) an act of consideration for my partner, but shaving is not only itchy, it is incredibly problematic for me because of the origin and connotations of the act. The unedrcarriage – well, I do see how smoothness can improve sensation, but it’s hardly the be-all and end-all.
I do pluck my eyebrows – I love the groomed 40s/50s look, and love recreating that (red lip, red nails, groomed brows and knowing smirk).
I don’t shave underarm. Looking at the above comments, it seems as though this may be the greatest taboo of all, carrying connotations of bad hygiene. Not true. I like having my hairy pits, and see it partly as a tribute to those women who made it possible for us to define our own femininity, and partly just because I like the way it looks.
Finally, my moustache, which is reasonably long and dark (it’s not massively noticeable, but it’s there) – not only do I not wax(ow!), but I love to put mascara on it when I go out queering it up with mates (yes, with the red lippie). I absolutely love my moustache. It reminds me of Frida Kahlo, it’s a lovely way of reconstructing gender without compromising my femme mojo (mascara darling – all-purpose femme weapon!), butch friends have started copying me as a way of saving footling around with spirit gum and hair (note to drag kings – it also works on sideburns, and is a very natural looking way of working facial hair), and, best of all, it suits me. After all, why wouldn’t it?

Basically, I really enjoy interrogating beauty standards for straight women, and seeing how these standards affect queer femmes. One of the best bits for me about being queer is reconstructing my gender in a way that fits me.

Colleen – think Beth Ditto, and be proud! Femme is what you make of it. Don’t worry about teh menz – they think that, by virtue of being female in a public space, you’re ‘doing it for them’. Queers can usually tell the difference.