All of this…..

Except love is not scarce. It is precious, but it is sturdier and more abundant than we have been told or allowed to believe.

I define myself as a lesbian. I am a lesbian not matter who I am with or if I am involved. I think I both chose a lesbian feminist identity at a young age (13) for political reasons (I read a lot), as well as an unconscious expression of what I would later understand as an over-arching physical sexual desire for women. I only, ever, and have always been with women. I have never fucked a man or made out with them or had any interest. I do love cock, and I love to be fucked, but cock is very different to me than bio-dick, and I bristle at the desire of others to conflate the two.

I define myself as a femme, which to me is a term that describes both my longing for sexual intercourse (in both the literary and sexual definitions) with butches and my unspoken declaration of preference for "softness" or "femininity" in my own expression of my physical self. I am whole and complete as I am, but I desire union with my attitudinal opposite. I want a butch who has the (un)spoken declaration for "strength" or "masculinity" in her physical expression of self, I want a butch who finds physical and emotional satisfaction in sexual intercourse with femmes. I want that butch who can release me from the burdens of my own power, whom I can trust with the my most vulnerable self, who will (in that instant) physically and emotionally protect me from ills imagined and real, as we fuck, as we make love. It is the hours and moments when she is fucking me, when she is taking me, when I give by body to her that lead to the sacred place I can feel free, safe, and vulnerable. This is when I give back to her (trust and sanctification) what she has given to me, when I might be the instrument by which she is released, when she comes because she wants me, and when I come for her, and for her only, because she asks me to.

As a femme, like Rose, I do feel as if I was made for butches. I can be nurturing and loving and caressing, I can adore her masculinity or her strength, I can get on my knees in front of her and suck her cock, and not worry that my willingness to submit to her pleasure will be taken advantage of as a sign of anything other than choice. Free choice. Or will. A gift.

I have found that only atuned butches seem to appreciate that my preference for "softness" or "femininity" in my affect is a sign of my power, my power to define myself in a way of my own choosing, without regard to what others might wish. The power dynamic between butches and femmes is one of the most exciting aspects of the interplay. And because it is by choice, particularly in this day and age, rather than based on rote replays of cultural expectations, this is, I think, what makes it so powerful, and makes it an intrinsically feminist act.

I don't know if you will read this, since it is to an older post, but since I am just now enabled to explore more of your site, I have added my thoughts. In any event, it's not bad to continue to flesh out my views, even if only for myself, or perhaps best for my own self-discovery. I haven't thought this directly about feminist politics in years, and I am curious to learn more about gender and queer politics.

Best regards to you, Sin.

I just discovered your blog and I will watch out for new posts.

And: the eyecandies made my day!

Diva

There are not many Femmes around me. Makes me feel less alone to read this, as your recognition means we are out there, not always invisible.