that's the bit that catches my attention

i'd only say that hitting on a girl is a form of heterosexism, only in that heterosexuality is the prevailing wind. if homosexuality were the standard, then it would be just as easy to declare hitting on a girl an act of homosexism. (is that a word?!)

fact is, part of why we preen is to attract sexual attention; hetero, homo, pomo, or otherwise. it's not the only reason, but it's a big one.

if one feels better, righter in her skin, wearing lip stick, it serves her to know that beyond her just feeling righter, lip stick was created to mimic a look of sexual arousal. if one feels prettier with cleanly shaved legs, it bears remembering that body-hair removal is in part an artifact of a cultural call to appear youthful and untainted. remember that juilet was merely 13 …

i defend your rights to walk around dolled up, all you lovely femmes out there! i defend your rights to walk around all handsome, you butchy dykes, too! i only admonish to remember that the signs & signals you are playing with are, among other things, also sexual, whether you are seeking to attract sex or just feeling like you're putting your most authentic self out there.

["Part of why we preen is to attract sexual attention" -- absolutely! I was definitely trying to say that, in that post, to explore this idea of why femmes get hit on (by men), and why femininity attracts attention. It seems really obvious to me now that I'm saying it, but it added a new understanding when I read that thing by Figleaf. And likewise - "if one feels better, righter in her skin," to beautify femininely, then "i defend your rights to walk around dolled up" too! Absolutely, 100%. Anyway, thanks TT for the comment! --ss]

Except that I was going to say…sometimes the problems arise for me long before relentless. Sometimes, it's when I get that look–the look fat, old men have in their eyes as they judge BBQ at the city's annual rib-off.

Men in this neck of the woods occasionally look at me–t-shirt, levis, minimal make-up me–that way. And that is where the problem arises because, for me, it's not flattering. It just makes me want to wear baggier clothes.

Sorry, sinclair, is that a bit off topic? Perhaps, I'm ranting more than I'm commenting.

i think that says it all. if everyone know how to back of when someone says “no,” then being hit on would simply be a compliment, not something to worry about. if this were generally accepted procedure in our society, maybe straight guys wouldn’t be so scared of gay bars, too.

i also think this has very little to do with sexuality, it’s really just a gender issue – because “i’m not interested in you” should hold the exact same weight when a straight girl says it to a guy as when a lesbian does (contrary to popular opinion, being attracted to one gender does not mean you are attracted to everyone of that gender).