Comments on: re-valuing masculinity

By: And we’re off! at Lesbian Dad

And we’re off! at Lesbian Dad — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 18:24:53 +0000

[...] run across the stuff she writes about. She discourses plenty on gender (here’s a recent e.g., â€œre-valuing masculinityâ€), and writes up the sex landscape (both real and imagined) with gusto and [...]

By: Sinclair

Sinclair — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 16:35:17 +0000

Jill – very good point. I think the femme-butch ratio tends to favor the femmes in specific situations – the yuppie lesbian crowds, probably – the 20somethings, the urbanites. I bet the rural factor is very different.

And, that said, even some larger towns have very different butch/femme dynamics – I used to live in Seattle and there are definitely more butches there than femmes. I have some speculations as to why, mostly having to do with the socially accepted dress code of the area …

Anyway, this brings up a lot of ideas, thanks for your note!

By: Jill

Jill — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 16:32:02 +0000

I find your post very interesting to read because of your comment that there seem to be many more femmes out there than butches, and I’d have to disagree in some communities. I’m from a rural midwestern community, and honestly as far as queerness goes, it seems there’s a greater quantity of butches to femmes, and I’m not quite sure why that is. I feel it has something to do with the rural-ness though. Where I live at the moment is in a much more urban area, and I see this pattern that you point out of more femmes than butches.

I also have noticed a greater reverence in my hometown for masculinity. Here I have heard on many occasions masculine women being referred to as icky/gross, which makes me really sad. Great post.

By: “Courage in women is often mistaken for insanity” | Sugarbutch Chronicles

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:56:53 +0000

[...] have much to write about, I’m working on a couple pieces for you, more rantings on re-valuing masculinity, something about butch stubble, and of course there’s the aforementioned “Therapy [...]

By: darkdaughta

darkdaughta — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:01:27 +0000

This is thick and hard and good. I’ve been meaning to take apart what I understand as gender, gender roles, femme-ininity and what resistance to or playing with these look like for me as someone located at the crossroads of many different identities that many may want to see as mutually exclusive. Since I need to not concede to various types of self hatred, I too have cultivated the collection and use of many labels which I feel freed by not controlled or limited by. All this to say, this is the second time I’ve come back to read. Early this morning I was holding the baby as he slept. But it was late and I couldn’t concentrate. Now he’s awake and wants to play. :) So, I’m coming back to read again when my one and a half year old is napping. Thanks for this. I saw your other blog, the one where you wanted to do research into (I think) queer sexualities. What happened with that work? Are you still doing it? Were readers interested? K. Gotta run.

By: alisha

alisha — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 17:38:58 +0000

i always enjoy reading your entries like this..

and i couldn’t help smiling when you wrote ‘Ears with Feet’.. <3

By: jack

jack — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 05:26:09 +0000

i love this! getting into how people identify and what those identities mean to them, and why they choose *not* to identify in certain ways is absolutely amazingly fascinating. =) i think it’s really interesting to see how differently people will perceive the same label, and what great lengths people will go to in order to stay in or out of a particular category.

i have a couple questions for you… firstly, i’m wondering what you think about this: there are quite a few people who argue that feminism is (in some cases, certainly not all) being taken too far, to the point where it is really hurting masculine-identified people. i had a (very, very brief) discussion about this with two lesbians, one who knew exactly what i meant, and agreed that this was happening, and one who disagreed completely (unfortunately, i couldn’t think of any good examples, which sort of limited our ability to discuss it.)

and secondly, (i apologize if you’ve mentioned this before, i have the nagging feeling you have, but i can’t seem to find it anywhere…) what do you think about labels such as boi/stud/etc. used by dykes who identify rather masculinely(?) who deliberately do not use the word butch? how would you articulate the differences there, or would you say that butch is a broad enough category to include those? myself, i have a sort of intuitive sense of a difference there (i’m mostly thinking of butch vs. boi), but it’s not something i can easily describe. i’m really curious to hear your thoughts. =)

(sorry for such a long comment…. and if some of this doesn’t make sense or whatever, it’s probably cause i’m running on 4 hrs of sleep after an 8 hr shift =P, again, sorry)

By: Miss Avarice

Miss Avarice — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 09:35:19 +0000

I wish I had something to add, but this is a good start!

By: SuSu

SuSu — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 22:28:07 +0000

Wow! Thanks! I just stumbled upon your site recently. It has been a tremendous help. I don’t think we had gender studies when I was in school.
When you said “I don’t think one should conform to a label – any label, especially not gender – I think the label should conform to you.” That really spoke to me.

By: jen

jen — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 19:12:44 +0000

ITA with tongue-tied…you, of course, do rock.

I have to say that over the past month or so, reading you, and Miss Avarice and Essin’ Em and now Tongue Tied as well, my head has been spinning with thoughts about gender and identity and sexuality (and, of course – fucking) and how it all flows together.

Having entered the queer community as a 32 year old only six months ago, and now having come into contact with this amazing community of writers and thinkers who express thoughts on these topics in such a profound way, I have found myself thinking and re-thinking my entire context for understanding myself and how I fit into the world, and how this world fits into me. I want to talk about it and write about it – but right now there’s it’s so multilayered that I don’t even know where to begin.

I will say though, that as limiting as I first found the focus on labels in the queer community, I am now finding freedom in them. I get that I’m femme, and getting that has meant for me that I now feel greater freedom to play and relax within that classification. As a straight girl (or rather, I suppose, a queer girl who spent a long time playing straight) I had a pretty narrow definition of my own femininity and what it took (clothes, makeup, attitude, etc) to fill that role. Now, accepting that femme label, I know that I read as femme in a dress and heels, or in jeans, t-shirt and dirty tennis shoes, or even, in a vest and tie. That’s because me being femme is not just about the outside…seems too basic, but for a person who struggled with identity for so long it is really quite profound.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that your writing has sparked something in me, and I hope to be able to articulate it better and start my own dialogue about it sometime soon.