But: can I really explore what I want to explore sexually with someone who isn’t a bottom?

I’m not sure.

One specific thing that I want to play with and develop sexually is a top/bottom dynamic, and I don’t want to impose that on Joy - I want to be with someone who wants to explore that. That said, Joy and I are not exclusive, and perhaps I can explore things with Joy while still seeking someone else to explore the top/bottom dynamic with.

That brings up the question of whether or not the top/bottom dynamic is essential to my sex life … and, actually, it is important. It’s similar to the butch/femme identities: I used to think they were negotiable, but I know better now. They are a huge part of what I want to explore with another girl sexually.

So. Yes. That’s very important. And then the question becomes, will Joy be able to play with topping/bottoming enough that I’ll be satisfied? This, I think, remains to be known. I want someone who will submit, but I’m also very interested in exploring other kinky things …

And, also? My two (new) best friends (who will henceforth be referred to as the “That’s What She Said” gang because that joke is, somehow, still funny) and I were at Cattyshack last night, discussing picking up girls and fucking girls and who we would fuck and, yes, objectifying and sexualizing every girl in the bar, lord, we are capital-T-Trouble sometimes, and I realized at the end of the evening that no girl in there was as attractive to me as Joy.

That’s not something to let go of so easily, especially when she’s GGG, open, and fucken great in bed. There’s stuff to explore with her. Specifically kink.

LATER: I emailed Joy. Didn’t say much; I apologized for not being in contact this week, and asked if we could meet next week Wednesday or Thursday. Then, “I don’t think my appetite is yet satiated.” I’ve been kind of an asshole for not emailing her after our date on Tuesday (which I am writing up, don’t worry), but this week has been over-the-top busy. I hate that excuse, “I’ve been busy,” that’s crap. I think people make time for what’s important. But it’s actually very true in this instance, in that I needed a few days to re-think and re-examine and figure out how to go forward with this. There are a few conversations I need to have with Joy, but I think I’ve been setting the trejectory with the conversations we had last week, and I think I’m figuring out what I want.