Comments on: what gender is

By: junebug93

junebug93 — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 23:29:55 +0000

I have a bunch of gender hangups. Primarily that I'm biologically female, self identify as female, and yet in some ways want to be treated like a boy. I like carrying large boxes, would resent the idea of someone holding the door open for me so I wouldn't damage my nails (which are usually worn and paint-stained), and in general hate the idea that being female makes me more fragile.

Reading your posts, though, questioned many things that I thought I believed and knew about. Made me think that maybe the submissive/dominant aspects of some relationships (or stories of relationships) may not be sexist provided those involved chose those roles, want those roles. (I think that's where you're coming from?)

I probably won't be able to actually write a coherent response without thinking about this a whole lot more. Thanks for the intellect and the insight =].

By: The trouble with Mother’s Day (or, Why I’m glad to be a Lesbian Dad) at Lesbian Dad

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 03:39:51 +0000

[...] masculinity and femininity. Oh, here, just go read for yourselves (for advanced students, here– SS is all about finesse — plus she’s done us the additional favor of posting S. [...]

By: definitions on sex & gender

definitions on sex & gender — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:14:50 +0000

[...] Test – I’ve written about this in the past. For many years I had no way to define butch & femme, and relied upon what I called the [...]

By: victor/victoria

victor/victoria — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 01:55:52 +0000

this is so, so interesting.

i think i would call being a top or bottom a ‘sexual identity.’

i’m glad you separated out gender from personality traits. i don’t feel that i am feminine at all – sometimes i feel genderqueer, sometimes i feel very much like a boy even to the point of wanting to transition. but i’ve always been very in touch with people and emotions, i hate sports, i love animals, and all sorts of other things that have been constructed as ‘female/feminine.’

i do think physical presentation has a lot to do with gender, but i also would like to think there’s more to it than that… but what, i don’t know.

By: re-valuing masculinity | Sugarbutch Chronicles

re-valuing masculinity | Sugarbutch Chronicles — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:49:53 +0000

[...] gladly talk to you about it, explore it, lay down some of my concepts like the gender galaxy and the dress-up test and my theories on separating gender from [...]

By: Eileen

Eileen — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 20:15:00 +0000

This post takes something I struggled with for a long time and comes at it from a different direction, and it's really a treat to read it and see similar separations happening with different aspects of personality, sexuality, gender, etc.

You wrote that you separated gender from personality, and also touched on separatingbutch/femmer from top/bottom. I ended up at similar conclusions (separating gender and power) while trying to figure out why the common rejection of strap-on sex by het kinky femdoms bugged me so much. Erm, if you care to read what I came up with, it's here.

I love your blog. I'm trying to figure out this whole genderqueer/butch thing myself, so reading someone farther down the way than me helps tremendously. Thanks :)

By: Essin' Em

Essin' Em — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 19:09:00 +0000

I come home from camping to all these interesting posts!Thank you for this…As a recently identifying femme who is so confused about all these stereotypes about what butches and femmes "should be" it's nice to know that other people realize that there is a huge spectrum of presentations even within the spectrum of presentations. I'm a femme that is sometimes high femme and sometimes not so much and likes being spanked and fucked, but also likes topping my partners sometimes. I'm a femme in the sheets because I am a femme. Sometimes that means being a "pillow princess" (and being tied up and forced to climax for hours…you can see why I might like it) and sometimes that means watching my fist slide in and out of my parter. I'm still a femme – thanks for validating me.And holy crap, I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog :)

By: sexcakes

sexcakes — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 09:09:00 +0000

nail on the head, sinclair. the language has long been more limited than the people when it comes to gender/sexuality territory. the difficulty for me is functioning without the terminology, because everybody else wants to know what name to give you.one of the most interesting relationships i had was with a very femme girl i knew in school. she wore skirts the whole time and had a very egalitarian attitude to sex. she was the first and only girl i fucked without any power exchange…

By: sinclair

sinclair — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 06:19:00 +0000

I used to claim sugarbutch as my gender – I don't anymore. a lover called me that first, and I liked it – but I used it because I was afraid to call myself butch, afraid that it limited me too strongly into the macho/masculine category of things, when I wanted to be sweeter than that. but I don't think butch is that limited anymore, and I'm much more comfortable with it than with sugarbutch. I am firmly of the belief that people should self-define their gender however they feel comfortable. I'd like to encourage more people to choose butch and femme, because of the ways it really works for me and because of the ways I think they are forced into limitations/constrictions by an unnecessary binary dualism, but I definitely understand when people say it doesn't fit them.

By: Ms. Avarice

Ms. Avarice — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 02:14:00 +0000

I've decided that "sugarbutch" is a gender and that it is yours, and also that mindfuckery is my new favorite word.