It was somehow a serious punch in the gut. I don’t know why - it is perhaps very irrational. I don’t think it means that I want her back, that I miss our relationship; I was really miserable, I am much happier now.
I guess I just miss her, sometimes. I loved her deeply, seriously; we were together for four years. She was my most serious, most adult, deepest relationship. It makes sense that I would miss her.
I also noticed that her MySpace status says “in a relationship” and that got to me, too. Again, irrational; I’ve been posting photos of Callie & I together, The Ex has access to my social networking sites, she must know I’m dating Callie, and that may perhaps be horrible for her. And yet … if she was dating somebody, I’d feel sad, or jealous, or something.
I actually think she never changed her status back to “single” after she & I split. I definitely didn’t keep track of that. But I could be wrong.
I wasn’t going to write about this. It feels too silly.
I hope we’ll be able to come back together, someday.
5 responses so far ↓
1 Dylan // Feb 26, 2007 at 10:44 am
My ex and I spent four years together as well. We grew from young teens to adults together, fell in love for the first time together, charted unknown territory side by side. When I lost her it was an incredible sense of emptiness, and despite falling in love twice since, she really took a piece of my heart and I have come to accept I will never have it back. I do miss her, but I still know we weren’t right. I do wish to come together again one day though… one day.
2 Jamaica // Feb 27, 2007 at 7:45 am
I was very in love with my ex. she and I had to split when we did, and it wasn’t pretty. she told me that if I am ever to see her I’m not to even say hello. despite all that I still miss her. I hope that one day we can come back together, healthy.
I hope the same for you.
for now, my advise is to stay away from myspace!
-j
3 Morgan // Feb 27, 2007 at 8:14 pm
This was real, honest, beautiful… I felt it. I’d be very interested to see your Myspace.
4 Dharma // Feb 27, 2007 at 10:38 pm
I’m glad you posted this, very bittersweet. I don’t want to find my way back to my ex, because it would be “back” and I want to keep moving forward.
5 sinclair // Feb 28, 2007 at 6:51 am
I agree dharma, I have never gone back to an ex and I do feel like it would be going backward. it isn’t that I want to get back with her, only that it’s sad when someone was so important and central to my life for so long, and now she’s so far away.
thanks all for your lovely comments & support.
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