what i mean is

when i say i feel the
of you
what i mean is
i feel you
in my skin
in my mouth
for hours


when i say you are my
what i mean is
i have never felt this
strings of energy
between us


when i say i’m
what i mean is
i don’t want anyone else
i don’t want you
to want anyone else
i want to leave
my mark on you
suck on your skin
a little too long
bite your

a little too hard

when i say i
what i mean is
my heart is the bird’s nest
in which i live
and i am ready
to take flight
i am ready
to give my heart away
i believe deeply
in the tools
of relationships
and i want to use
everything i have
to figure out
everything you have
to watch your heart soar
to hold you up sometimes
to let you in

what i mean is
i want to help you
be the very best you
you can be
because i feel
more like myself
my best, highest self
around you
because i make
so much more sense
when i am with you

everything i am
has built to this moment
to this connection
everything i’ve learned
is so i can survive
in this
with you
for as long
as we possibly can


Published by Sinclair Sexsmith

Sinclair Sexsmith is a genderqueer kinky butch writer who teaches and performs, specializing in sexualities, genders, and relationships. They've written at sugarbutch.net since 2006, recognized numerous places as one of the Top Sex Blogs. Sinclair's gender theory and queer erotica is widely published in anthologies like Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, and online at Feministing, Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more; they are the editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012 and Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, both published by Cleis Press. Sweet & Rough: Sixteen Stories of Queer Smut, Sinclair's first book of short erotic stories, was published in 2014. They use the pronouns they, them, theirs, themself, and live in Oakland, CA with their boy.

3 thoughts on “what i mean is”

  1. srchngformystry says:

    god, you say it so well what is also in my heart.this is how i felt this weekend with him, and i feel the need to really explain myself.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Oh I like this. Very beautiful.

  3. Shannon says:

    I love the space, you leave between words.

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